05/02/25
Good morning! It’s Friday, May 2nd.
National Brothers and Sisters Day.
Oh Trevor… Oh Jaime… (That’s my brother and sister and it would take too long to explain but let me just say… the joke landed. The. Joke. Landed.)
And now, the news.
Ukraine-US Deal
-via BBC
Starting with news that, on Wednesday, Ukraine and the United States signed a bombshell of a deal.
As you may recall, Trump has talked a few times about how he’s wanted to get Ukraine’s rare minerals in exchange for helping fund the survival of Ukraine.
Well, the deal has been signed and it’s a big one. Let’s go over it.
First, the ask for rare minerals was expanded to also include oil, natural gas, and other hydrocarbons. Those will stay under Ukrainian ownership, with the US getting joint access.
Despite Trump constantly demanding that Ukraine would need to somehow, impossibly, repay the nearly $350 billion in aid that’s been given, the deal does not include that provision. Trump, of course though, says we’ll get back “much more in theory” than what we gave.
Now, that is true. Because helping Ukraine is the right thing to do. So what we’ll get back is in karma.
But that’s not what Trump’s talking about, so what he’s talking is… eh, who knows. Who cares.
The deal also includes the United States taking a stricter stance on Putin, referring to "Russia's full-scale invasion,” with the Treasury Department adding, "no state or person who financed or supplied the Russian war machine will be allowed to benefit from the reconstruction of Ukraine."
It puts military assistance to Ukraine back on the table, but that one has no guarantees.
And, and here’s a big one—the deal acknowledges Ukraine’s desire to join the European Union and does not allow the US to prevent it.
So this is big deal. We’ll see how it shapes the talk of the ceasefire that Russia has proposed to have start next week.
Mike Waltz Out
-via AP News
Also in big news – White House national security advisor Mike Waltz, he of the let’s start a group chat! First, we’ll use it to plan a pizza party for the office but it’s a surprise for the office so let’s definitely be careful about who’s in it. Then, let’s use that same group chat to plan Yemen drone strikes but it’s not the pizza party so it’s less secure so it’s okay if we casually, accidentally, add the editor-in-chief of the Atlantic to that group…Waltzs – is OUT.
He gone.
Mike Waltz is leaving the White House. His deputy is expected to exit as well.
Marco Rubio will serve as acting national security advisor and, because everyone fails up in the upside-down – Trump will nominate Waltz to serve as a UN ambassador.
Obviously the next question is… what does this mean for Pete Hegseth who, yes, did not start that group chat, nor did he add the editor-in-chief of the Atlantic to the group (a real bonehead move), but who has, among many other boneheaded moves of his own, started at least one other Signal group chat where he shared classified information with his brother and wife, who had literally zero security clearance.
But… I just think… he should leave too. Because Mike Waltz is not amazing.
But Pete Hegseth – not amazing at his job, not amazing as a person, and has also been accused of sexual assault so… I will celebrate the day he leaves.
Ooh! Ooh! I will celebrate the day he leaves and I’m taking suggestions on what sound effect to use.
RFK Jr.’s Dangerous Lies
-via The Guardian
Speaking of people whose departure I will celebrate… in recent days, health secretary RFK Jr (cursed title), who once offered to eat five brain worms in order to get onto a debate stage, has spent the last few days spreading wildly dangerous, like impossibly, deadly, dangerous lies about, among other things, that the measles, mumps, and MMR vaccine contains “aborted fetus debris.”
It does not.
Like many vaccines, the MMR vaccine is produced by using decades-old sterile fetal cell lines derived from two elective terminations in the 1960s.
Newer vaccines for things like Covid are placebo tested. However, experts won’t do placebo-controlled trials for long-time vaccines, for examples - measles, because denying a patient a known vaccine and potentially exposing them to a dangerous disease would be unethical.
Which is why the MMR vaccine still has that tiny bit if sterile fetal cell lines that are from TWO, just TWO, elective terminations in the 60s.
I’m sure they’ve tried to explain that to RFK Jr, but once they to ethics, he was out. He encouraged parents to do their own research.
Okay, great. Please do. But research that guy too because he once sawed the head off a dead whale and then drove that whale home and that story is so gross but no one ever said what he ended up doing with that whale head. That’s terrifying! What’d he do with the whale head?
Do your research! But think about who you want to trust. Someone absolute nerd who has dedicated their entire life to science and studying this one specific molecule so they can understand everything about helping kids not get the measles?
Or someone who cut the head off a dead whale for fun?
Feels like the easiest research in the world.
Trump Guts Mental Health in Education
-via NPR
Continuing on in his goal to gut the Department of Education, an anti-Constitutional move, but that’s never stopped him… the Trump administration has announced that they are cutting $1 billion in federal grants for school districts across the country. Money that would normally be used to hire mental health professionals, including counselors and social workers.
These grants were a part of the post-Uvalde 2022 Bipartisan Safer Communities Act and were meant to help address the concerns over the growing mental health crisis in schools.
The Department of Education says the way the money has been used, which is to hire people to help address the growing mental health crisis in schools, violates "the letter or purpose of Federal civil rights law."
Classic.
Alien Enemies Act Unlawful
And how about this for a Friday…
On Thursday, a Trump-appointed judge (muahaha how’s that feel ya chump? Wait, sorry, you don’t have context yet)… on Thursday a Trump-appointed Judge ruled the President’s use of the Alien Enemies Act as a means to deport Venezuelans unlawful.
“Neither the Court nor the parties question that the Executive Branch can direct the detention and removal of aliens who engage in criminal activity in the United States. The President’s invocation of the AEA through the Proclamation exceeds the scope of the statute and is contrary to the plain, ordinary meaning of the statute’s terms.”
Muahaha how’s that feel ya chump?
The judge also wrote, “The Court concludes that the President’s invocation of the AEA through the Proclamation exceeds the scope of the statute and, as a result, is unlawful.”
This one will obviously go all the way to the Supremes, but this ruling is a big deal.
We must have due process here.
I’m not saying there is no possibility that anyone who the government has sent over to El Salvador is a part of the genuinely dangerous TDA gang. But I am saying that, constitutionally speaking, it doesn’t matter because no one has had due process. No one has been charged. They have been sent there because they are Venezuelan. That’s it.
That’s the crime, in the eyes of this White House.
Which is horrific.
These men deserve what everyone else in this country deserves – to be brought back here, to America, and then, if they are actually accused of a crime, they have a right to due process, and all that includes, including a clear understanding of their charges, as well as a lawyer.
So this ruling is significant and a very big deal.
The rare piece of good news!
We love to see it!
And that’s it. That’s the news.
I’m proud of… my brother and sister.
Awww… how cute am I? Me. The good kid.
All brothers and sisters.
It’s also National Scurvy Awareness Day, so no one tell RFK Jr because otherwise he’ll try and find a way to bring it back.
But more than scurvy… because I’ll never want a cure from you… I’m proud of you.