07/17/25

Good morning! It’s Thursday, July 17th.

National Lottery Day

Fun fact – the highest amount someone has ever won in the US lottery was just over $2 billion and it was a ticket sold here in LA. In Altadena actually. The winner took it as a lump sum, which gave him $997.6 million and, after taxes, that came out to $628 million.

Not too shabby.

And now, the news.

Alaskan Earthquake

-via AP News

Starting in Alaska, where a 7.3 earthquake has triggered a tsunami warning for communities along a 700-mile stretch along the west coast of the state.

So far, it sounds like everyone is okay and no tsunami waves were spotted.

Gnarly.

Actually, I was thinking about the flash floods in Texas when I saw this story. Because here’s a quote from a spokesperson from the Alaska Earthquake Center: “We have seen other earthquakes in the area that have not generated significant tsunami waves, but we’re treating it seriously and going through our procedures, making sure communities are notified so they can activate their evacuation procedures.”

“We have seen other earthquakes in the area that have not generated significant tsunami waves.”

I’m from Oceanside. Where I lived, where my parents still live, is for sure not a tsunami warning area but you know – there are signs all over warning that certain areas are tsunami areas.

There is no doubt in my mind, that there are people who would have gotten the alert, looked out to the ocean, and just kind of been like… eh, I’ll keep an eye on it because they’ve gotten the warning before.

Again, I’m not trying to give any grace to city leaders who should have given more notice. But I definitely want to offer more context for anyone wondering why someone wouldn’t have evacuated. Because we, as normal human beings, have two things at that moment: the information we get from the people in charge, and our own personal history.

Assisted-Living Facility Fire

-via ABC News

And in Fall River, Massachusetts, the quick and heroic work of fire first responders is to thank for keeping the death count low after a five-alarm fire broke out on Sunday night at an assisted-living facility.

The fire took nine lives, and injured dozens of others, but according to the fire chief, it “was destined to kill 50-plus people.”

Two people still main in critical condition.

Though the cause of the fire is still under investigation, it doesn’t appear to be suspicious.

Israel Bombs Syrian Capital

-via Axios and Washington Post

On Wednesday, the Israeli government launched what they say were “dozens” of strikes across Syria, including in the capital city of Damascus, with their Defense Minister tweeting, “the painful blows have begun.”

Prior to this week, after the fall of their dictator last year, Syria had started negotiating with Netanyahu for a security pact, among other things. But of course, that’s out the window now based on these actions, with the Syrian Foreign Ministry condemning what they are calling the government of Israel’s policy to, “inflame tensions, spread chaos and undermine security and stability.”

As I mentioned, Syria trying to rebuild their government after overthrowing their dictator, Bashar al-Assad last year. This security agreement that the countries are trying to negotiate is a big deal. After the fall of the Assad regime, the Israeli government immediately was like knock knock just kidding I’m Benjamin Netanyahu and I don’t have manners here I am and invaded an area of Syra that is adjacent to another Israeli-occupied area.

Remember in Lion King, when the dad’s like everything the sun touches is yours and it’s a beautiful moment? Netanyahu saw that, ran outside with a map of the middle east was an like, yes, the sun touches this… this makes sense.

Syria was weak because they were, and still are, in a period of regrowth and the government of Israel took advantage of that. They claimed they were doing it to help ward off any potential threat from a post-war Syria. They claimed their time there would be temporary, then later said it would be for an “unlimited time,” and began launching strikes on Syrian military targets.

Where this puts us, politically, is, and this is a very inside baseball term so I hope I don’t lose you here but… it puts us in a little bit of a pickle. Because the Trump administration has eased sanctions against Syria and is trying to improve relations with the country. But, he also loves Netanyahu.

What to do? What to do?

Well, for starters, Marco Rubio has called this all just a “misunderstanding.” So I’m sure that’ll fix it.

Anyway, that’s where things currently stand.

Epstein – Again. Still.

-via Politico, CNN, and AP News

And finally – we still have to talk about this Epstein thing. Coulda just elected Kamala. Do you understand that? Of course you do. I just meant like – you know. Just saying it.

First of all, the biggest news is that Maurene Comey, who has worked as a prosecutor in the Manhattan US attorney’s office for almost a decade, was fired on Wednesday.

Now, if her last name sounds familiar. Yes, she is the daughter of James Comey, the former FBI director who decided, two weeks before the 2016 election to reopen Hillary Clinton’s email investigation. An investigation that found no wrongdoing the first time, nor did it find wrongdoing in the subsequent investigation. Nor did anything real prompt the need to reopen it beyond an unrelated case showing that there were emails between Clinton, her personal aide, and her aide’s husband, former Congressman Anthony Weiner, on his computer.

But he made it sound very nefarious, reopened the investigation, and also held a press conference about it. And I’m not saying that’s the entire reason she lost the election, but it didn’t help anything.

He also investigated the Russia election interference case. He was dismissed by Trump before he could testify before the Senate and talk about what he found. Though he did appear before the Senate a few times to yap.

Believe it or not, he’s actually being investigated by the FBI, in fact, for… false statements to Congress about the 2016 election.

Which he won!

Blah!

I’m going to walk into the ocean. I want a very small tsunami to happen in my apartment.

The current CIA director doesn’t deny that Putin wanted Trump to win in 2016, but they think the agency rushed the process.

Rushed? Beer me strength.

ANYWAY that’s her dad.

So it stands to reason that that’s why she was fired.

But, but… she also prosecuted both Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.

Y’all – they’re so bad at this. You should not have fired her! Come on now. Use your noggin.

Dummies.

Meanwhile, Trump has all but come out to say yes I’m on the list because he is now calling it… the Epstein Hoax.

He also is calling people that believe it his “past supporters.”

“Let these weaklings continue forward and do the Democrats work, don’t even think about talking of our incredible and unprecedented success, because I don’t want their support anymore!”

My guy – all you have to do is show the documents. That’s it. That’s all you have to do. Show them to your “boys and in some cases gals” and they’ll come scrambling back.

He also said “I don’t understand what the interest or what the fascination is.”

He was a child molester and we’re pretty sure you, who has been found liable for sexual assault, were with him when he did those crimes! We’re not fascinated, we’re furious!

Prove you didn’t do it.

A normal person would stop at nothing to clear their name of this. And he has the ability to do it in an instant.

But he won’t.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand why.

And if this is what it takes to pull people from the MAGA cult back to reality… great. At least we can get them back.

Also now it turns out there are three minutes, not one minute, missing in security footage from the night Epstein died.

They are lying about that too. Why?

If it’s all on the up and up… release the documents.

Mostly because I never want to talk about this sick demented monster again. And I’m not kidding when I say this, when I said sick, demented monster – you didn’t know for sure who I was talking about – the president or Epstein.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

Whoops! Ended too serious!

Oh man there terrible. They’re terrible human beings. They’re also terrible at doing crimes! They’re covering up the worst possible crimes… and they’re bad it.

You know what would be winning the lottery, in this moment? Never having learned their names. That’s how I know time travel doesn’t exist.

Nevertheless, I’m proud of lotteries! Little pieces of possibility you fold up and toss in your wallet.

But more than that, more than $628 million – because I won the lottery when I tricked you into friendship… I’m proud of you.