07/24/25
Good morning! It’s Thursday, July 24th.
National Cousins Day. Aw.
And National Tequila Day. Aw!
And now, the news.
EPA Ends Climate Change Fight
-via NY Times
Starting with good news – we solved climate change! We did it – cleaned it all up! I mean, that’s what I have to assume based on the fact that a drafted EPA proposal, expected to made public within the next few days, eliminates the scientific finding that greenhouse-gases, like carbon dioxide and methane are a danger to humans and therefore need to be regulated, allowing us to fight climate change.
Wait a minute… maybe I misunderstood the memo. Maybe this is… bad?
This finding is literally the government’s only tool to limit climate pollution and now, instead, the EPA will argue that the real harm to our health is the higher prices and fewer car choices that can be brought on by moving away from gas-powered vehicles.
You can’t undo science with a memo!
(But also – yes they can because although the memo doesn’t argue that fossil fuels aren’t warming the planet but they it does say it overstepped the Clear Air Act with the finding that, you know, greenhouse gases are bad.)
It will almost certainly go to court as soon as it’s released, as it conflicts with a 2007 SCOTUS ruling which found exactly the opposite – that greenhouse gases are a pollutant under the Clean Air Act.
So let the fun begin I guess? As I said, the memo is expected to drop in the next few days.
Abrego Garcia Update
-via NBC News
Wednesday was a day of judicial ups and downs for Kilmar Abrego Garcia, whose day started with a judge ruling that he should be released from federal custody as he awaits trial on human smuggling charges.
That ruling was then paused by a magistrate judge, ruling he will remain in federal custody for 30 days or until further court order.
This pause was requested by both parties, so that the government can appeal the lower court’s ruling that he should be released and so that Abrego Garcia’s team can seek further relief from his charges.
There’s something else behind his legal team requesting the pause, and that can be found in a previous back to back ruling he just received from judges in Nashville and Maryland (this poor guys – his case takes place all over the place!). The judge in Nashville allowed his release, but minutes later the judge in Maryland wrote an order blocking ICE from taking him into immigration custody Tennessee and specifically noted that she worried ICE would deport him to a third-party country without waiting the mandated 72 “business hours.”
So it’s possible that part of the reason his legal team wants to keep him in federal custody while they work out further relief is to keep him from being sent to a country he’s never been to, and where no one knows he’s been sent to.
Macron Sues Owens
-via CBS News
Here’s just a super weird story… Along with his wife, France’s president Emmanuel Macron has sued ultra-right wing podcaster Candace Owens (my competition! Just kidding… no one is my competition… I’m the cream of the crop baybee) for an unspecified amount (croissants, I presume?) because Owens put out an eight-part series about them, that spread a bunch of unfounded allegations including the idea that his was born a man, stole another person’s identity, and then transitioned to a woman.
What??
Also… why?
And in response, Owens’ lawyer said: “In France, politicians can bully journalists, but this is not France. It’s America.”
Okay, but… it’s still a very weird lie.
Owens herself then went live on YouTube and opened with a clip from the Gladiator where Russell Crowe’s character says, “Are you not entertained?” (I’m not doing the impression), and then said that’s how she feels after receiving the papers.
It’s all so weird!
Who hurt her?
Trump v Higher Education
And now a story I’m calling “Trump versus Higher Education” although if you listen to him talk, he clearly had an issue with elementary education as well.
Got em!
Starting with Columbia University, who agreed on Wednesday to pay the administration $221 million in what essentially amounts to extortion fees after months of negotiations in order to restore federal funding to the school.
As you may recall, $400 million in federal grants were either terminated or paused in March after the administration said the University hadn’t done enough to protect Jewish students from antisemitism, particularly during the pro-Palestine protests, and so they froze the grants as well as demanded the university overhaul their Middle Eastern, South Asian, and African studies department.
And they accepted, which was wildly disappointing and Hitler called Trump (very obviously they have each other’s phone numbers) and was like I know you’re not a big reader but that’s exactly what I did. Can you grow facial hair? Because may I suggest a mustache?
Can he grow facial hair?
Anyway, so Columbia agreed to pay $200 million over three years and an additional $21 million to settle US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission investigations.
And then over to Harvard, who did not comply and has refused to give in to any of the administration’s demands. On Wednesday, the Trump administration launched a new investigation – this time targeting its government-run visa program for international students and teachers.
In the letter notifying the university of this investigation, no specific reason was given. Just, like, vibes man.
Birthrights and Wrongs
-via CNN
In a late night ruling on Wednesday, a federal appeals court became the latest to rule that Trump’s attempt to end birthright citizenship is unconstitutional.
Probably because the constitution literally says – ya born here? Dope! You’re an American. Good luck with that. We are… Um… Do you know about Finland? Once you have kneecaps and can crawl, may I suggest Finland?
Obviously this will bounce back up to the Supremes who want nothing to do with it.
Sorry about having to do your job, but this one’s pretty easy. Just crack that book open, peep that 14thAmendment, and you’re good. Done by lunch, then maybe you guys can go get some sushi or something? Split a lemon roll? Table edamame?
I’m So Sorry but Yes, Epstein Still
-via Axios, NY Times, ABC News, and The Hill
And once again, a segment I’m calling “I’m so sorry but yes, Epstein still”
That dude’s dead – release the files so we can never talk about him again please. Anyway…
The morning started with the news that a federal judge has denied the Trump administration’s request to unseal the grand jury transcripts from the 2005 and 2007 cases, stating that her hands were tied. She also noted that, had the Department of Justice asked for them in a judicial proceeding, that could have helped the process, but in this case, these transcripts are typically under lock and key.
Though, as a reminder, this would have likely revealed very little.
That was the big news of the morning.
Then, later in the day, the big news was that AG Pam Bondi told Trump that he was in the Epstein files. Now, those files are full of a lot of things. There are a variety of reasons he could be in them and the context behind his name in the files is unknown. But what makes this story bigger than it started out as… is that this was actually reported back in May, but on Wednesday more details came out about the briefing and they contradict Trump, who says he was never told he was in the files and it was just a very quick briefing.
Why lie? If no crime… why lie? Everyone knows you were friends with him – if you were friends with him, but truly knew nothing about his terrible crimes and then, once you found out, you immediately back away and then called the cops (as any normal human would do)… release the files.
Any other action than that needs to be released.
Oh, but don’t you worry babe – because then after that, the big news of the day was that, after Speaker Johnson shut down the House of Representatives so he can protect a pedophiles files – a House Oversight subcommittee vote to subpoena the DOJ for the files.
GOT EM!
Hahaha… you thought you had it all figured out, shutting down the House, you fool.
But here’s the thing. Subcommittees aren’t bound by the House’s schedule. They can, and often do, meet during recess.
It still needs to be signed by the Subcommittee’s chair, James Comer, but he plans to do so. Republicans did join and vote with the democrats but amended it to included communications by the Biden administration and DOJ, so that includes the Clintons, James Comey, Loretta Lynch, Eric Holder, Merrick Garland, Robert Mueller, William Barr, Jeff Sessions and Alberto Gonzales.
Quite a collection of dignitaries.
Do they not understand that normal people don’t care which political party someone is aligned with – if they did crimes, they need to get called out. Period.
Comer also issued his subpoena to Ghislaine Maxwell for an August 11th deposition on Wednesday.
Meanwhile, Tulsi Gabbard continued in her mission of… Hey, have you seen this shiny thing? And held a press conference, continuing to say that the Obama administration misled America about Russia’s interference in the 2016 election.
…
Calling the new documents “irrefutable evidence,” Gabbard confirmed that yes, Russia definitely messed with our election, but he didn’t really have a preferred candidate. But there really wasn’t anything new in the documents. Nothing changed and more importantly, she has not been able to really explain how exactly Obama did this so-called years-long coup. Obama literally came out and said that the 2016 itself was free and fair.
In fact, if her argument is that an outgoing president telling the American public that the election was rigged and no one should trust the results… baby, you are not going to believe what happened in 2020. I have the worst possible news for you. You are going to want to run right out of your office because you clearly care so much, there’s certainly no way you’ll be able to continue working for the man.
Anyway, what a day!
Pete Hegseth – For Fun
-via Washington Post
And finally, just for fun… the Washington Post has an exclusive little scoot on the Pentagon’s least favorite, but absolute biggest dunce, Pete Hegseth.
Turns out that when he was texting Yemen bombing plans to his wife and others in that Signal group chat, and then he promised hey at least they weren’t secret war plans…
The details he was texting came from an email labeled SECRET (all caps)
It was actually SECRET/NOFORN which is a label that means not meant to anyone that is a foreign national, include close allies.
It was literally top secret.
And he was just out there like – babe, you are never going to believe it…
He’s not a smart man.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
Big day. Not a day for winners.
But you are a winner. My cousins are winners, that’s for sure! The one’s that listen at least – the rest of them are on notice. Consider this a warning.
Tequila… tequila’s been a friend.
But more than tequila, because you are also a friend but you’re never turned on me the way tequila has… I’m proud of you.