08/18/25
Good morning! It’s Monday, August 18th.
National Couple’s Day.
What is this? How is this different than Valentine’s Day? What are we doing here?
More importantly, it’s World Breast Cancer Research Day. So donate if you can. If you can’t, or even if you can’t, this is a great time to remember that early detection saves lives. Make an appointment, get tested. Remind others. Make a whole news podcast just to tell people to do it.
And now, the news.
Headline
-via The Guardian, Center for Strategic and International Studies, Newsweek, AP News, and NPR
In the 25 days between February 23rd and March 19th 2014, six people died in Russia’s annexation of Ukraine’s Crimea Peninsula.
Eight years later, nearly to the day, Russia began its full-scale invasion of Ukraine on February 14th, 2022.
In the years since, nearly 400,000 Ukrainians have died, including 100,000 soldiers. In Russia, that number is over 950,000, with military deaths up to 250,000.
Russia has stopped publishing mortality and life expectancy data for its male population from 2024 on. Russia’s propaganda machine would have the world believe that they are always moments away from overtaking Ukraine, but with their bare hands, Ukraine has held. If Russia were as strong as they claimed, they should have between 50% and 70% of Ukraine.
Which isn’t a fun cute little guess, that a fairly educated guess, based on the idea of what it would have looked like if they’d taken Kyiv in 2022 or if they’d been able to seize Donbas, as they’ve tried to do for three years, but in a more focused effort four times: in their first invasion in 2014, between 2015 and 2021 – a period known as the Frozen Conflict, during which Russia maintained control of separatist territories in Russia but again, they did not take all of Donbas. In 2022, when this full-scale invasion started, they specifically said they wanted to take Donbas – but were unable. And now it’s been a consistent push.
But again – Ukraine stands.
Meanwhile, nearly one million people have died in Russia while a dictator’s propaganda machine acts as if that hasn’t happened. The last time Russia even gave a number was in September of 2022, and at that point, they said just 6,000 troops had died.
The leader of the country sends his troops to slaughter in an unwinnable war, while those who speak out fall out of windows, are poisoned, die in plane crashes, or sit in prisons for years before dying a mysterious death…
Was welcomed to America on Friday by Donald Trump, who literally rolled out the red carpet and clapped for the man directly responsible for all of that.
He allowed that man to ride in his presidential limo.
The two men, the dictator and the dictator with way too much makeup, met for two and a half hours… and came out without a deal.
Here are some remarks from Trump, post-meeting: “We haven’t quite got there, but we’ve made some headway. So, there’s no deal until there’s a deal.”
…made some headway? Didn’t want to try a little harder? Maybe put in, I don’t know, three hours of work?
Thanks for putting in less than a Titanics’ viewing worth of work to end a deadly war, dude. As with most things Trump, and Putin, we don’t actually know what happened in the meeting. Their post-meeting press conference was less than 15 minutes.
The best we can tell about the meeting is kind of… vibes? Trump normally loves taking press questions because he loves being on camera. When he cuts questions short is a sign that he’s not having a great day. Which is something he did in this case. So who know what happened in that meeting, but I do believe it didn’t go the way Trump wanted.
Post-meeting, we got more insight into things because – and you can’t make this up – US State Department papers were found in the printer of an Alaskan hotel business center printer.
Who among us?
Potentially sensitive materials! Left in the printer of Hotel Captain Cook! That’s the real name of the hotel. Originally, I wrote the joke as a La Quinta Hotel. But Hotel Captain Cook is the real name, and it has the bonus of being objectively funnier.
The papers include a menu for the luncheon that never was (a green salad with a champagne vinaigrette, a duet of filet mignon and halibut, and crème brûlée for dessert). It also included that Trump intended to give Putin an American bald eagle desk statue.
A gift.
950,000 dead Russians. 400,000 dead Ukrainians. At least 50 Americans have died – exact numbers are hard to get, but at least 50.
A red carpet. Clapping as he walked to him. A ride in the presidential limo. And a planned gift.
Pre-meeting, Trump warned of “severe consequences” if Putin didn’t agree to a ceasefire, which was the main goal of the meeting.
Following the meeting, Trump post that, "it was determined by all that the best way to end the horrific war between Russia and Ukraine is to go directly to a Peace Agreement, which would end the war, and not a mere Ceasefire Agreement, which often times do not hold up."
By all.
Where was Zelensky when that by all decision was made?
🎶 No one else was in the room when it happened. 🎶
We’ll see where we go from here. Zelensky is meant to meet with Trump today, likely flanked by leaders from other European countries.
Okay, Oklahoma
-via USA Today
I have a wild story about Oklahoma but I’m gonna ease you into it with a joke. So I’m gonna ask you where you’re from and you say Oklahoma. But don’t make this weird. Don’t make me the weird one here. You have to actually do it, okay? I’m gonna ask you where you’re from, and you’re going to say Oklahoma.
Where are you from?
….
OK.
Come on!!!!
The Oklahoma state Department of Education will now require an American first certification test for teachers from New York and California, only, who want to teach in Oklahoma to make sure they’re not “indoctrinating kids.”
Uh oh.
Don’t worry, it gets worse.
It’s really bad. Think of how bad it can be. It’s worse than that.
Regardless of what they teach, they have to show they know “the biological differences between females and males,” and that they agree with the state’s American history standards (as a reminder, that includes that the 2020 election was stolen, which obviously was not, and says Covid came from a lab in China). PragerU is helping them develop the test.
If you’re not familiar with them – congrats!
If you’re online, you may have seen a clip of kids video, meant to be a PBS replacement, showing Christopher Columbus saying, “slavery is as old as time and has taken place in every corner of the world. Even amongst the people I just met. Being taken as a slave is better than being killed, no? Before you judge, you must ask yourself – what did society and the culture at the time treat as no big deal?”
So that’s Oklahoma…
Okay.
(That’s a callback! Comedy! …everything is bad)
Hurricane Erin
-via CNN
Weather on the 10s and 2s – Hurricane Erin became the rare Cat 5 hurricane on Saturday (there are only 43 on record in the Atlantic), but as of this recording is a Cat 3 with the National Hurricane Center warning that it is expected to continue to fluctuate in both intensity and size (saying it could double or even triple as it makes its way northwest).
It is one of the fastest-strengthening Atlantic hurricanes on record, and potentially the fastest intensification rate for any storm prior to September 1st, which is of note because it’s happening earlier in the year and continues in shapeshift is all because we used aerosol hairspray in the 80s.
Remember I said there are only 43 Cat 5 hurricanes on record in the Atlantic – this is the 4th straight season that’s had one.
The hurricane itself is not expected to reach US mainland, but flash floods, mudslides, and landslides are all possible.
Texans Return Home
-via Politico
Proving that no one stays away from the Lone Star State forever, the Texas state House Dems are expected to start coming home today.
Like many, they will take part in a national protest this weekend to call attention to this redistricting issue. And listen, I’m all for this protest but I think it can just be a general protest about what Republicans are doing to the maps. Cause attention has been called.
We’re doing gerrymandering. I’m okay with it now! With caveats! With. Caveats.
Anyway, the state House Dems are making their way back to Texas, where, upon enough of them returning, it is expected that Governor Abbott will call another special session to change the Texas maps.
But he’s playing chicken now. And I want to be really clear – there’s a lot I know about politics, there’s a lot I’m still learning. But none of this, the nonprofit, the news – any of it, none of it happens without Wendy Davis filibustering in 2013 and then running against Abbott in 2014. I know this man and I know Ken Paxton.
They do not hold the cards here. Abbott knows that, Paxton is too full of himself to understand that himself. But they lack the political savvy to see the full picture. They’ll call the special session, the maps will pass, the California maps will pass, it’s possible New York and Illinois might have maps in their back pocket that they’ll announce after the Texas maps. Who knows, honestly I think they should do exactly what Newsom’s doing.
But more importantly: those five seats are not guaranteed in Texas. They lean Republican, sure. But Texas is 1% more Democratic than it is Republican. Turnout, more than anything else, decides Texas. Perhaps for the first time ever, Democrats might actually pay attention, and some bills, in Texas.
Abbott’ll be on the ballot then, too.
He is not smart enough to understand that 2026 is his worst nightmare.
Update: DC
-via NPR
And finally – hundreds protested in DC on Saturday, two days after Pam Bondi appointed DEA administrator Terry Cole as an “emergency police commissioner” who she said would have full control over the DC police until the DC AG filed a suit saying: hold up. Federalizing the troops is one not great thing. You don’t also get to fully take over the entire department.
Emergency police commissioner? Unless it’s James Gordon of the Batman comics and he’s here to save everyone… the answer is no. And I doubt it because these are not good people. Also I feel like Pam Bondi isn’t a comic book reader. I don’t get reader vibes in general from her.
Meanwhile, in an interview with CNN, spine of steel Mike Pence has emerged to say: “Well, Jan. 6 was a tragic day, but I know we did our duty that day, I wish the president would have done more. But I welcome his decision to deploy the National Guard and essentially federalize the D.C. Police Department.”
People wanted to kill you! And he was encouraging them! He quite literally put a target on you! He did insurrection! If someone tried to have a mob kill me, I would never compliment them ever again. Don’t carry water for the man who was fine with the idea that you were about to be mukducked!
How embarrassing.
That’s it. That’s the news.
These episodes used to be shorter.
They’ll be shorter again, I promise.
I’m proud of… jeepers. Pinot noir. Robust. Strong. Perfect chilled or warmed. Never the wrong choice.
But more than that – because you are all of those things, but have never led to regret… I’m proud of you.