05/11/26
Good morning! It’s Monday, May 11
Hostess Cupcake Day
Those are the ones with the fancy little swirl on them. I haven’t had one of those in decades. You know what I like, frozen snowballs. That’s not this day. Whatever.
And now, the news.
Update: Iran
-via AP News
Starting in Iran, where, not unlike fetch, we’re still trying to make peace happen.
On Sunday, Iran sent a response to the United States’ latest peace deal proposal back to the US, via Pakistani mediators, asking for (according to Iran) “war reparations by the U.S., full Iranian sovereignty over the Strait of Hormuz, an end to sanctions, and the release of seized Iranian assets.”
Trump, ever the cool, calm, and collected negotiator, took to Temu Twitter and wrote (in all caps) that this was “TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE”
My guy, it’s a negosh. Just go back to the negosh’s.
He offered no deets of the negosh (okay, sorry. I’m done now) so it’s TBD on where things go next. But, for now, the ceasefire stands and no one has walked away from anything.
Hantavirus
In “you don’t have Hauntavirus news…
Evacuations have begun for 94 of the passengers on board the cruise ship at the center of the Hantavirus outbreak. They disembarked in the Canary Islands and will be there until they are taken their home countries. So everyone just chill out, everything’s going to be okay.
Those home countries France, Canada, the Netherlands, the UK, and the United States. The United States??? Hang on… I was cool with this until I was not. Get this outta here! I already did this! I already did Trump as the president and new episodes of Ted Lasso and a deadly respiratory virus. And only one of those things was awesome.
No no, I’m kidding.
I mean, the Ted Lasso thing wasn’t a joke. That’s just a crazy coincidence. I don’t think Ted Lasso caused Covid. Rupert, maybe…
There were 17 Americans on board, seven on which have already gone home. The other ten are headed to the University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha. According to the CDC (which I was surprised to learn we still had. No one tell Trump!), that center doesn’t have a quarantine unit but they will be monitored for 42 days, some of them at home, due to the virus’ long incubation period.
All remaining US passengers are asymptomatic. Asymptomatic people cannot pass along the virus. See how it’s different?
When asked whether Americans should be concerned about this, Trump said: “I mean, I hope not. We’ll do the best we can.” See how it’s not different?
No no. That was just some fun wordplay. It’s different. Trump’s just like… he dumb.
Hauntavirus? More like haunta-my-dreams-virus… or something more clever.
Death in Denver
-via AP News
Some very sad news out of the Denver Airport as, on Friday night, a person jumped the fence and was hit by a Frontier Airlines plane as it was taking off at 11:19 PM.
No one on the plane was injured.
Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy, who just released the beginning of his road trip docuseries that took him and his family 7 months to film (while he wasn’t working, but fear not, he also didn’t pay for it – it was just a 7-month vacation while TSA lines were worse than ever and gas prices and higher than ever), has this prolific comment: “No one should EVER trespass on an airport.”
Yes, Sean, correct. So I’m sure there was more happening here than an accident. What a pointless statement. What a putz.
Virginia Court
-via The Hill
And finally, in Virginia – after voters voted to say that yes, they do in fact want to redistrict for just a little bit, because Republicans are gerrymandering simply because Trump is asking and I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it IS different – it’s different when you ask voters and when you just do it… anyway… voters said yes. It passed.
The voters voted on it.
And then the Virginia state Supreme Court overturned the will of the voters and tossed the redistricting referendum, saying it didn’t follow proper procedures. In Virginia, in order to pass an amendment, lawmakers must vote for it in two separate legislative sessions, with an intervening election in between.
Which they did!!
Virginia Democrats took the first vote on Oct. 31 of last year. Election Day was the following week.
The state Supreme Court ruled that it was too late because early voting was open by that point and 40% of ballots had already been cast.
On a technicality.
The voters voted for this!! I am about to be outside of my head on this.
This is what they want. They want to gerrymander so your vote doesn’t matter that much. But it’s more than that. They don’t even want you to show up at all. So they do this stuff. Why bother showing up at all? If you vote, we’ll just overturn it.
They want to exhaust you. They want to make you feel like none of it matters. You know why?
Because it matters more than anything else.
Screw em. Vote. Voter harder, then. Vote out of petty.
They want to take your vote away?
Screw em. Cast your ballot. They don’t get this democracy. We are not handing this country over to those losers.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
Not a lot of news when everyone’s like – watch out for that boat! It’s got the hanta!
It doesn’t. Well, I mean, IT does. But you don’t.
I’m proud of voters. In the face of everything, we’re going to keep showing up.
Not unlike a Hostess Snowball. Is that who makes those? Maybe it’s Wonderbread? Is Hostess the company? I’m not looking any of this up. This podcast is so well researched and then it gets to this stuff and it’s the easiest thing in the world and you better believe I’m not asking Jeeves. But anyway, more than a Hostess Snowball, or Cupcake, because you, too are topped with fancy swirls… I’m proud of you.