08/24/26
Title
Tell Him There Are Burnt McDonald’s Burgers in There
Good morning! It’s Monday, August 24th
National Waffle Day
Not enough days are tied to Leslie Knope. Two, I guess. This and Galentine’s Day
WOW – calling Congress really works I guess. (That’s a reference to Parks. I didn’t call Congress for this. I would! Don’t get me wrong. It just appears I don’t need to.
Too long of an intro? Yeah, I felt it too.
And now, the news.
Tariffs on Tariffs on Tariffs
-via NBC News, Politico, and NY Times
Starting with tariffs! Which, as a reminder, are taxes that we pay. You and I.
After Canada’s Prime Minister, Mark Carney, and Trump spent a week talkin’ trade, on Friday Carney announced that, although progress had been made in those talks, “that progress has not been enough to meet our objectives for Canadians.” Following that, he called Canadian negotiators to return to Canada, because the trade deal was off.
On Saturday, Carney made an additional announcement: Canada will match the US tariffs dollar for dollar, beginning September 8th.
A reporter asked Carney why it felt like he was “going to war.” To which Carney responded: “because we were attacked.”
All of this is made even more wild when you remember that, on Tuesday, Trump took to Temu Twitter to say, “we have a DEAL!”
It’s almost like… you can’t believe a word out of this mouth?
So how did it go from “a DEAL!” to “we were attacked”?
According to Carney, “last-minute changes in the U.S. proposed terms were unfair, uneconomic, and called into question the reliability of any deal.” Part of those changes including the US wanting to limit tariffs to auto only, excluding medium and heavy duty trucks. But the big red flag to me, although no details were given, was that negotiators were trying “to restrict our protections of our language, our culture, and in effect, our sovereignty.”
Additionally, Canada wanted to keep doing things like banning the sale of American alcohol, a retaliatory ban that began last year after the first wave of tariffs against our neighbors to the north.
So now we’re in a trade war!
Great!
I wonder who loses in a trade war. Everyone, but mostly… consumers. And business owners who will lose business. And the employees who will lose their jobs when business is slow.
Fantastic.
I want to note two things Carney said:
One – he said the last-minute changes “called into question the reliability of any deal.”
He also said: “We have recognized from the beginning that America has changed, and that we will not return to our old relationship.”
And I think that speaks to a larger issue here. A trade war is bad. Our ally to the north saying they can’t trust us? That’s REALLY bad. Because it’s not like Canada’s the only one feeling that way about us.
Just two weeks ago, Trump announced that the US was pulling back on joint military exercises with South Korea, complaining, “We have 39,000 soldiers over there guarding you from Kim Jong-un, your next-door neighbor, and you’re not going to help us on a very easy military operation in Iran?”
But fear not, we may be losing friends, but we ARE gaining… crushes for Trump.
“Kim Jong-un has always treated me with great respect, and we’ve met on numerous occasions, actually, two primary occasions — spoken and spent time. I understand him. He understands me.”
Numerous occasions, well just two.
Jong-un doesn’t even respect Trump! Trump literally said he fell in love with Jong-un during his first term and then said North Korea had agreed (literally. Not even like “they’re thinking about it” but it’s a done deal)… agreed to work toward denuclearization. There was a joint statement that they both signed!
But in fact – they have more nuclear weapons than before!
Some people really do anything to get their crush’s attention.
Anyway, the tariffs on Canadian goods started on Saturday. Canada’s retaliatory tariffs go into effect on September 8th.
Update: Iran
In vaguely related news – on Friday, Iran’s president said the world has “approved” Iran’s victory over the US, adding that we’re “hated” globally.
Oh really? You talked to EVERYONE?
Even Kim Jung-un… no actually, don’t talk to North Korea. That’s a bad combo.
On Saturday, Iran’s president also said that “any country participating in the imposition of economic restrictions against us is considered an enemy.”
Playing it equally chill, Trump took to Temu Twitter to say: “This will be an ECONOMIC D-DAY, and we need all of our Allies to stand with the United States of America to isolate, and defeat, the Iran threat. These maniacs are on the ropes, and these HISTORIC MEASURES will cripple them and their ability to project terror worldwide.”
He ended his rant by saying: “Iran will never have a nuclear weapon.”
Guy… you ended the program that was preventing them from having one in the first place! A program started in your first term!
Meanwhile, top diplomats in Egypt and Iran are talking about how to get Iran and the US back to negotiations. So hopefully they can trick Trump into going in for those negotiations.
I don’t know, maybe tell him there are burnt McDonald’s burgers in there or something.
Whatever it takes!
Trump’s Visa Ban Rejected
-via CNN
Keeping it international and Trump related – calling it “contrary to law,” a federal judge struck down the Trump administration ban on visa for immigrants from 75 countries, including Brazil, Colombia, Egypt, Haiti, Somalia and Russia.
Man, these judges really won’t let Trump do that white supremacy he’s been doing his whole life, huh?
Trump said he was banning the visas to prevent people who would “take welfare and public benefits” from coming in. That’s what’s called being a “public charge” and it’s supposed to come with having a consular officer look at someone’s personal finances, as well as their age, skills, health, and financial situation. And based on all of that, it could affect whether someone is able to get a visa.
But in this case, Marco Rubio sent a note directing officers to refuse applicants based only on the country they’re from, even if an applicant “provides additional evidence that demonstrates he or she overcomes the public charge refusal.”
The administration has until September 11th to appeal.
Stars and Stripes For… Sometimes
-via Military.com and NY Times
As things continue going as… what’s the opposite of swimmingly? Bad… going as bad as they are in Iran, and with the press having the gall to, you know, report on it, the Department of Defense made a staffing change.
And no, they didn’t fire Pete Hegseth. If only!
No no… instead, they fired the publisher, editor-in-chief, and a Middle East correspondent of the government-funded news outlet Stars and Stripes.
Ironically, the editor says he was fired for: “Stating in a CBS interview that censorship of news for service members would constitute a red line.”
The law, as well as the DODs policies (two things Hegseth couldn’t care less about it he tried) both state that Stars and Stripes (which as reported on the horrific conditions aboard the USS Lincoln), requires “a free flow of news and information to its readership without news management or censorship.”
Well, I mean. Kind of. In January the outlet’s spokesperson said it needed to “refocus its content away from woke distractions.” Whatever that means. And then in March, the Pentagon banned the outlet from running comics and reprinting articles from The AP.
Political cartoons, not like… Garfield or Kathy. Ack.
The new publisher used to be a senior spokesperson for the DOD. So I’m sure that’ll go great and ethical.
And over in the Army, it sounds like Army Secretary Dan Driscoll will step down before the end of the year after months of in-fighting with Pete Hegseth.
This would leave the Army without a Senate-confirmed civilian leader. Good thing the military isn’t doing anything like an intensive overseas conflict/war/thing.
Oh wait.
The Army doesn’t have a chief of staff either right now, since Hegseth fired General Randy George in April. I mean, there is an acting chief of staff, someone who used to be a senior military aide to Hegseth, but a permanent replacement hasn’t been nominated yet.
This is a former Fox News anchor with Christian nationalist-linked tattoos and allegations of sexual assault, just casually breaking up the military leadership.
Good stuff!
TikTok Ruling
-via PBS
On Friday, the Department of Justice and TikTok reached a $400M settlement in a 2024 suit alleging that the company violated a federal children’s privacy law that requires kid-oriented apps and sites to get parental consent before collecting the personal info of kids under 13, as well as failing to honor requests from parents who wanted their kid’s accounts deleted, and choosing not to delete accounts when they knew the accounts belonged to kids under 13.
TikTok, and it’s parent-company ByteDance, will pay $300 million immediately and another $100 million after an order vacates an earlier consent decree against Musical.ly, which is what TikTok used to be before it became what it is now (a place where I am CRUSHING IT). (Not really. Be nice to me.)
A similar suit against Meta, which owns Instagram, is in court right now.
Ballroom Construction Can Continue
-via Politico
A day before a lower-court ruling that found Trump seems to lack the authority to embark on major construction at the White House without specific approval from Congress would have stopped above-ground construction, Chief Justice John Roberts granted the Trump administration an administrative stay that will allow Trump’s ballroom to continue construction.
The stay will stay (in effect) while the Supremes figure out what to do about Trump’s emergency appeal that he filed last week.
In response, Trump said this ballroom (which again, looks like it was designed in Sims by someone who just bought the biggest lot and put the most useless building on it… the windows, doors, and staircase don’t even line up correctly!!) is under budget.
Well… you’ll be shocked to hear this… that’s a lie.
He said he would cost between $3-$400M. It’s going to cost closer to $600M according to an independent investigation by the Washington Post.
Despite claiming it would be fully funded by private donors, half the cost is coming from the Secret Service and the White House Military Office. What’s interesting there is that… WE PAY FOR THOSE BUDGETS.
A whole ballroom because no one would dance with him in 7th grade.
Harp Harps
-via The Daily Beast, Slate, and CNN
And finally… we gotta talk about Natalie Harp.
Harp is the 35-year-old personal aide to 80-year-old Trump who worked for over a year without a security clearance (not because no one got around to asking her to do it. She reportedly refused – multiple times. For a year. She only did it because Trump asked her to).
She used to be an anchor for One America News (networks can really just throw the word “news” into their title without regulation, huh?) and now is VERY close to Trump. Like… someone should check her closet for a shrine in blood, close. I’m talking, check her pockets for a little bit of his hair, close.
Right now she’s in the news because Jon Ossoff said her name the other day. Literally, while critizing Trump at a rally, he said: "He doesn't want to do the job. He wants to build his ballroom and travel with Natalie on their apparently defenseless flying palace.” (Referring to the Qatar-gifted Air Force One jet.)
And literally, just that, was all it took for the White House to meltdown in defense of this aide. No comment on the whole “he doesn’t want to do the job” part? And in the middle of all that, The Daily Beast obtained two letters Harp wrote Trump (Michael Wolff, Trump’s biographer, revealed them).
She is the gatekeeper to Trump and in 2023, this is what she was writing to Trump:
In part of one letter, she said:
“I want things to always be right between us. I also know I've been distracted all week (forgetting to eat throughout the days, and even forgetting to sleep, and only catching a couple hours at a time). I haven't been myself, dwelling on the Past, and the pain of losing my Dad, and I started letting the remarks of people who haven't bothered me before, get to me—not because I care what others think, but because I see myself being lowered in your eyes and good opinion. That is the fear you see, because I never want to bring you anything but joy. I'm sorry I lost my focus. You are all that matters to me. I don't want to ever let you down. Thank you for being my Guardian and Protector in this Life-That's what I wanted to use this card for, when you saw me at the Cash Register, and once again did what you didn't have to do, and gifted me with Mementos of this Trip of a Lifetime, a Coming of Age. I will return a better person. I have to sign off now, as the cars are leaving. See you soon. With all my heart, Natalie”
In another, she wrote (this one’s worse. It was a follow up to the first letter and in both she’s referring to a trip to Scotland):
“For the first time, in I don't know how long, you forced me to "unplug." We could be out on the Course, with no machines, and even forget what time it was! I didn't have to be "Human Printer." I could take time to enjoy good conversation, and still get all my work done at the end of the day. In fact, I even had time to take long morning and evening walks to enjoy each Sunrise and Sunset (though I did forget to eat and sleep!). With so much thinking time, I confess it did have a slightly negative effect at times, that I know you picked up on, but the end result, I believe, will be worth it. I had no idea how rapidly I was approaching burnout, and starting to envy those whose only "job" seems to be to talk with you, and look pretty. I want that job!! So many times, I'm just trying to stay afloat with all that's coming in for you, I look like a hunchback who didn't have time to freshen up (at least you know what I should look like)! Plus, I miss the days when you used to call, during my Talkshow days, and we'd talk about everything and nothing. I want to get back to that synergy. We shouldn't have to talk about work all the time!! I've always felt like an in-betweener, somewhere between Staff and those you enjoy talking to on the Plane or at Dinner, because that's who I used to be to you when I was a "Talkshow Host" (as much as I hated that actual job!). I wish I could hear every conversation, because that's when you're having a good time, getting away from it all, at least for a few moments. But after going through all this self-analysis, my conclusion? I need to reunite my past self with my current into a better version who will make you proud. And please, when I fail, will you tell me? You have the absolute right to cuss me out, if need be, when I deserve it, because no one knows or cares about me more. Thank you for always being there for me-I'll never forget when you made that promise to me after losing my Dad, and I know how happy he is right now that I did get to go to Scotland and Ireland, as he always wanted for me. To modify a classic, "I could not have parted with you, to anyone less worthy"-And, I will
add, it is I who is unworthy. Always, Natalie”
And fear not, there’s a PS: “P.S. My hands looked worse in Scotland and Ireland because the Cold turns the old "scars" purple. Still on the road to recovery!”
It’s not a comment on the scars, it’s… she needed to do a PS to talk about her hands to him?! EW!!
This is so inappropriate! According to Michael Wolff, Melania won’t even appear with Trump when Harp is around. It’s creepy. Before she started working for him, her tweets (now deleted) about the 2020 election around creepy – lots of stop the steal and fight for trump.
But, also: “Vindicate [@realDonaldTrump], my God, and plead [his] cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue [him] from those who are deceitful and wicked.” Also .@realDonaldTrump, ‘I thank my God upon every remembrance of you!!!’
What. A. Creep! And Trump LOVES it. Which makes him a creep too (I mean, that’s not the only thing that makes him a creep but still… this is who people are melting down to defend?
Gross.
And again – this is his gatekeeper. Of people and information. Do we trust he’s getting anything but the best possible news from someone who is this, um, dedicated?
No.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
Why? Because I need a shower to rinse away reading those letters.
I’m proud of people that don’t write letters like that.
Also waffles.
ALWAYS Leslie Knope.
But more than waffles… because you, too, are more important than work (that’s another Parks reference, just in case you happen to be my boss. Work is the most important thing ever!)… I’m proud of you.