12/02/25

Good morning! It’s Tuesday, December 2nd

National Bartender Day

More like National Kim Day, ya know what I mean?

I guess for that joke you need to understand that I make most of my drinks myself.

The joke landed, is what I’m saying. The joke landed.

And now, the news.

National Guard Shooting

-via NPR

I’m back! And to quote history’s greatest poet… what did I miss?

A lot, it turns out. A whole lot!

Let’s start with the tragedy in DC that occurred last week – to be clear, a very preventable tragedy. Rahmanullah Lakanwal, a 29-year-old man from Afghanistan where he served in one of Afghanistan's elite counterterrorism units, which was operated by the CIA with direct U.S. intelligence and military support and fought the Taliban on behalf of the U.S. government. Because of that work, he was admitted into the US in 2021 as a part of Operation Allies Welcome, the Biden Administration’s effort to try to resettle the tens of thousands of refugees that were airlifted from Kabul following the absolute chaos that was the Trump administration’s withdrawal. He was granted refugee status in America in April of this year, under the Trump administration.

I note both administrations because there is a lot of blame right now about which administration is at fault for letting this man into the country, but the fact remains that both administrations had a clear look at his background and both cleared him to be here.

But on November 26th, for reasons that are still unknown, Lakanwal, who was living in Washington state, shot two National Guards in Washington DC.

20-year-old Spec. Sarah Beckstrom had just joined the Guard two years prior. She died on Thanksgiving.

Staff Sgt. Andrew Wolfe is still in the hospital, where he remains in serious condition.

As I said, a motive is still unknown. However, a volunteer at a refugee resettlement agency told NPR that while there were no warning signs that Lakanwal would do something like this, he was worried he was suicidal because he had recently become so withdrawn. So withdrawn, in fact, that the volunteers emailed World Relief and the U.S. Committee for Refugees and Immigrants (USCRI), receiving limited responses.

Which isn’t to say those groups are at fault. But limited resources lead to limited responses.

From Lakanwal not getting the help he needed, to putting the National Guard troops where they never needed to be in the first place, so that a small man can feel brave… this was a preventable tragedy at every single step of the way.

The Trump administration’s response was to put 500 more troops into DC and stop issuing visas to anyone from Afghanistan, as well as review anyone who came into America from Afghanistan under the Biden administration.

Pete Hegseth’s (Alleged) War Crimes

-via AP News and Washington Post

Let’s start with… Pete Hegseth’s possible war crimes! Well, no I guess that’s not the way to describe it because we’re not really at war. So let’s start with… the murder Pete Hegseth allegedly committed!

So, here’s what’s happening. Hey! That’s a great name for a show!

As you may recall, Pete Hegseth has ordered the strike of multiple ships in the Caribbean because – drugs. We think. He says drugs, but neither he nor Trump has yet to provide any proof at all, even a bit, that these boats are carrying drugs or drug-dealers.

We are just supposed to trust them.

A tall order to begin with, and that was before Friday’s explosive reporting by the Washington Post which, after speaking with seven people who had knowledge of a September 2nd strike that left two survivors, it was revealed that after even though those two survivors posed no imminent threat to America, and even though we are not engaged in an official war against the traffickers (even if the President says we are), Pete Hegseth ordered the Navy SEALS to launch a second attack on the survivors – killing them in cold blood.

Even if we were are war with the traffickers, an order to kill after someone is no longer a threat is, in itself, a war crime. But again, we are not at war. So if it’s not a war crime… isn’t it just a murder crime?

That is what Congress would like to know, as many democrats and even, are you ready for this? Some Republicans!, are wondering if this is a crime. In fact, the Republican chairs of the House and Senate Armed Services committees have said they’d like to look into the strike.

Now in case you’re wondering how confident they feel that all of this is on the up-and-up and investigate away my guys… Trump has already come out to say he would not have ordered the second strike, so you’ve got Trump backing away from Hegseth. But only kind of, because at first this was Hegseth’s order, but now… well now it’s Adm. Bradley – the commander overseeing the operation from Fort Bragg. That’s who actually made the call, as authorized by Hegseth.

Interesting.

Great to know we’ve found ourselves a scapegoat.

All of this, as I said, is alleged. We’ll see what today brings as far as bringing Adm. Bradley or Hegseth before Congress for hearings.

I should note that there has been an increase in calls to the Orders Project, an organization that provides free legal advice to military personnel, since the strikes began. So maybe the Democrats that put out the video reminding servicemembers that they do not have to follow illegal orders wasn’t such a wild idea in the first place.

New Comey Indictment

-via CNN, CBS News, and The Guardian

In an effort to make us look over there and worry not about the, you know… murders in the sea and emails to the child sex trafficker…

After a judge dismissed the case because it was handled so ham-handedly (what is that saying? I’m still not looking it up!) and also because people in the prosecutors’ office said this case was pointless, and because, as the judge pointed out, it was a case that was literally done for politics only… the Comey case is back in play!

That’s right James – don’t go counting those legal chickens before they go to court to hatch.

That’s a saying.

If ham-handed can be a saying, “don’t go counting those legal chickens before they go to court to hatch” can be a saying.

It’s expected that a new indictment is coming for Comey next week, and one for Tish James will also come next week as well.

This was announced my FBI Director Kash Patel, who has his own reasons for saying Look over there!

According to a 115-page report that was compiled by a national alliance of retired and active-duty FBI special agents and analysts, and leaked to the New York Post, Patel is “in over his head” and leading a “chronically under-performing” “rudderless ship” that is paralyzed by fear and plummeting morale.

It literally says Patel “lacks the requisite knowledge or deep understanding of all the FBI’s unique and complex investigative and intelligence programs.”

Hey! Sounds bad! I wonder if Patel is in any other trouble…

Yep!

Top Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee are looking into his use of the FBI's Gulfstream passenger jet for a date night in Tennessee, as well as a classic hang sesh with friends in Texas.

Say what you will about the Trump administration, but when they hire someone, they just reach right to the bottom of the dumpster.

Trump’s MRI Scan

-via CBS News

And finally… on Monday, after the entire world continued to ask questions like… hey, why do you have that weird bruise on your hand that you keep covering up with makeup but it only makes it worse and if the bruise was for something like shaking hands, and if that wasn’t a lie, then why try and cover it up? Also, how come you keep falling asleep all the time? Why does it look like half of your face is drooping sometimes? Where did you disappear to that one weekend? I know we’re used to you kind of rambling on and on but it sure seems like it’s getting worse. How come sometimes it seems like your walk is off? Why are you using the small stairs on Air Force One?

And mostly just a general – hey man… are you well?

Trump had an MRI. Now, we all believed it was an MRI on his brain because, well, from the ankles to the brain ain’t nothing working on that guy, and also because after his MRI he said this. He was asked… omg he’s so… he’s definitely our president. The guy the majority of active voters, knowing everything about him, having seen him be the president once and also knowing he did sexual assult and insurrection did willingly and freely decide was the better candidate than a Black woman… he was asked about a third term (why? Who knows. Because this is the timeline we deserve and are also forced to live in), and he said: “Let A.O.C. go against Trump. Let Jasmine go against Trump. The first couple of questions are easy: a tiger, an elephant, a giraffe. When you get up to about five or six, then you get up to 10 and 20 and 25, they couldn’t come close to answering any of those questions.”

Now – very obviously we know why, of all the House reps, he chose AOC and Jasmine Crockett as the two people that couldn’t possibly pass this test that Trump did (they can. Jasmine Crockett is literally a lawyer.) but that test… is a cognitive test! That’s a brain test.

So naturally, we assumed it’s for his no-good brain.

But then, when asked again over the weekend what the MRI covered, this rocket scientist said he didn’t know. Unknowable. Listen, I’ve done an MRI on my noggin, and I’ve done it on my shoulder – you know the difference between your noggin and anything else. Trust me.

"No idea, it was just an MRI."

Anyway, apparently his MRI was for his tum tum and cardiovascular system. Both of which are doing great.

Great.

You should look at his brain, though.

Consider it, at least.

I’m just saying… last time I had to draw a clock and identify animals, I also had to have a brain MRI. And while there’s no way I’m in the same building of smarts as AOC and Jasmine Crockett, I feel confident I’ve got Mr. I Don’t Know What They MRI’d. I Just Got There and Big Machine Went Click and Made a Picture handled, as far as brains go.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

Hey, I know I just did this but… there will be no news tomorrow. Just tomorrow! I am preemptively taking a little day for my little noggin – not to get an MRI. Just, you know… stuff. I’ll be back Thursday.

I’m proud of… Thursdays.

They’re nice. Nice day to go back and do the news on.

Also bartenders. They listen. They pretend to care. What more could you need?

But more than bartenders! Because I’ll tell you what – the only thing I’ll ever need, no pressure, is you. That’s right, that’s it… the only thing… and because of that… I’m proud of you.