12/04/25

Good morning! It’s Thursday, December 4th

Choose Women Wednesday

But like… not for everything, okay? We are tired. We do so much. Choose us for money and for rest. And for being the president and having bodily autonomy.

And honestly, maybe for a little bit, that can be it.

And now, the news.

Fallout Boy (oh boy…)

-via AP News, AP News, and NBC News

The big news is still, of course… the time Pete Hegseth called for the (alleged) murder of two men on a boat!

Wednesday brought the deets – including the news that the Pentagon knew there were survivors before calling for the follow-up strike. It is still unclear who actually called the order – Pete Hegseth or his current scapegoat, Admiral Bradley.

Hegseth’s excuse is… it all happened so fast! The boat: “exploded in fire, smoke, you can’t see anything. ... This is called the fog of war.”

He… is not a smart man.

Smoke… fog… fog of war.

No, that’s not what the fog of war is, ya dunce! The fog of war is a real thing that yes, sometimes, can refer to weather, but its uncertainty by military forces during combat due to imperfect and incomplete information.

We’re not even at war!

He’s so dumb! The fog of war… yeah man, sometimes it’s about fog, which is different than smoke, but it’s mostly just a metaphor. Alta Vista it!

On top of that – he “didn’t stick around” for the second half of the mission. Saw the first strike and bounced. Busy man, lots to do. No time for things like making sure a mission is complete.

What do you have, a hair gel convention to attend?

This all came out in a December 2nd cabinet meeting, where, and I’m not kidding… Pete Hegseth’s name card had “Secretary of War” written, but the word Secretary was misspelled (Secretary had 2 Ss), and Trump fell asleep.

Strong stuff all around, everyone!

The best of the best!

The decision to fire on survivors of a sunken ship is so wildly and obviously illegal that the Pentagon’s manual literally says: “Orders to fire upon the shipwrecked would be clearly illegal.”

Hegseth does not strike me as a close reader, though. Ya know? A skimmer at best.

Meanwhile, the family of a Colombian man who died from one of these boat strikes has filed the first formal challenge against the strikes. They did so with the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights, which the Trump administration says it supports (big human rights supporter, that administration), but the US does not recognize the court's jurisdiction.

So while it’s big news that they’ve filed the challenge, and you can all but certainly expect more filings, and some of them might actually take place in an American court, this one here will not see Hegseth in jail.

Fear not… our Sssssssecretary of Big Boy Brains isn’t done with crimes yet though – The Defense Department Inspector General has filed a report on Hegseth’s use of Signal group chats, that’s plural, to talk very casually about war plans way back in March (remember when he did that in March and everyone was like “wow he’s really bad at this job! I bet this is the lowest he’ll get! We… should have seen this coming, probably.)

The report concluded that Hegseth’s use of Signal could have put American troops in peril if war plans had been intercepted by a foreign adversary (instead of just the editor of The Atlantic) as well as concluding that Hegseth violated military regulations by using his personal phone for official business.

Hegseth’s response?

"No classified information. Total exoneration. Case closed."

Again – not a close reader, that Hegseth.

Big skimmer.

Best of the best, these guys.

MyGovernor

-via Axios

Yesterday was a really busy day at work, so honestly, I just have two non-stories here that I’m only telling you because they’re funny. Tomorrow hopefully I’ll have time to give actual news. But in the meantime, let’s laugh at…

Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy… will announce next week that he’s running for governor of Minnesota!

Congratulations Minnesota!

Watch out Tim Walz, the MyPillow guy is coming for ya.

Actually, honestly – look out a little at least. He doesn’t seem like someone you want to spend time around. He looks like he smells. Like, I don’t think he takes care of that mustache, ya know what I mean? He’s not brushing it. He doesn’t have that little tiny mustache comb.

The debate will be funny at least.

Anyway… the MyPillow guy is running for governor! And if you think that’s the silliest story here…

Kristi Noem Praises Trump

-via People

In the same cabinet meeting where Trump took a quick little cat nap (sorry, that feels mean against cats)… Kristi Noem, for reasons that are truly unknowable except that apparently she decided that she hadn’t bathed in enough shame for the day, just decided to tell Trump and the world, "Sir, you made it through hurricane season without a hurricane."

"Even you kept the hurricanes away. We appreciate that."

Yes, Trump, kept the hurricanes away.

I can’t even… I don’t even… listen, at work, it’s like a little bit of a running joke that I will, jokingly, suck up sometimes. And because we all know it’s a joke, every once in a while, I’ll take those compliments overboard.

But even for me, these are too much!

How embarrassing. And for Trump! A racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, hate-filled, small, small, angry man…

Big loser energy.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

Kind of.

Listen… you want a real episode? $10 million a year or I walk.

I do need to tell you that Trump is taking a very serious turn against Somali immigrants here in America. He made horrific comments in that cabinet meeting on Tuesday, and Mr. 100 Million Americans is leading a very intense charge to increase deportations. I will be covering this in tomorrow’s episode, but in the meantime, especially if you live in Minnesota, particularly the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, be safe and look out for your neighbors.

Trump’s comments, which again I will cover tomorrow because I want to cover them at length and until I can do that I’m not going to just casually repeat them here, are lies. Harmful lies – but as he sends his brown shirts into cities all around America, to kidnap our neighbors and people who contribute more to this country than him and his loser “you stopped hurricane” administration could ever imagine, it is up to us to safely, but seriously, protect our community.

And if you don’t know what I’m talking about it – man, what a wildly serious ending after that silly little episode.

I’m proud of women. Most of them. Not Kristi Noem! Not others like her. But lots and lots of other women. Choose us for things but most of all, and I can’t be clear enough about this… choose us for rest.

But more than… uh oh… no, I can’t… more than socks. It’s SNational sock Day. Because you complete me… I’m proud of you.