04/23/25
Good morning! It’s Wednesday, April 23rd.
Canada Book Day.
Which is great because now I get to tell you that there is a book called Anne of Green Gables and it was written by Lucy Maud Montgomery and her history is genuinely fascinating. Like, I didn’t even read those books, but I was fascinated by her. And if you’re thinking, Kim stop yapping and telling me what’s so fascinating. First of all… how very dare you? This is literally my podcast. And also… I’m not gonna tell you. Instead, I’m gonna tell you to listen to a podcast. The only time I will ever recommend another podcast besides my own.
It's called Maud: Books, Babes, and Barbiturates. It’s great. You should also check out the website, with a ton of bonus info, at maudthepod.com
And now, the news.
Deadly Shooting in Kashmir
-via NY Times
Starting with news out of Kashmir, where militants opened fire on a group of tourists, killing at least two-dozen people and injuries many others in the worst assault against civilians in the region in years.
It has been described by India’s Prime Minister Modi as a terror attack.
No group has taken responsibility for the attack on the region that both India and Pakistan have claimed jurisdiction over since 1947, when a war broke out following the Partition of British India.
The area where the attack took place is only accessible by a 20-minute hike or horseback.
An investigation is taking place.
State Department Shakeup
-via AP News
On Tuesday, Marco Rubio, somehow our Secretary of State, unveiled a huge overhaul of the State Department, which included a staff reduction of 15% and the closure or consolidation of more than 100 bureaus around the world.
To be fair… the world doesn’t totally like us right now, so…
No no, that’s… that’s a joke. Laughing through end times.
A spokesperson for the State Department (a woman! So see… they’re super woke!) said these changes are not happening right this very second. “It’s not something where people are being fired today. They’re not going to be walking out of the building. It’s not that kind of a dynamic. It is a roadmap. It’s a plan.”
An original plan that was circulated over the weekend, but whose legitimacy was denied by others like Rubio, included shutting embassies in Africa.
Obviously, obviously, under this administration, some bureaus that are expected to close are Office of Global Women’s Issues and any DEI efforts.
The office that sends expertise to war zones or other brewing crises, as well as others focused on human rights.
15% is not amazing, but last week they wanted to cut it by 50% by eliminating the UN and NATO headquarters.
What on earth are we doing? Imagine this negotiation room!
Hey, let’s cut 50%.
How?
The UN and NATO headquarters.
Okay hear me out, what about 15%?
I hate it.
It rhymes…
I hate it less.
I will let you cut the lady issue bureau.
I’m in.
Ahhh… am I laughing or am I crying?
Student Loans
-via NBC News
On Monday (sorry, I meant to tell you about this the other day and then JD Vance killed the Pope. Hey! No. That’s not true! He just… was the last person to meet with the Pope before he died.)
On Monday-- I’m just saying, we all say the video of him packing up that Ohio State football trophy. It broke right in half! We don’t know what happened in that meeting. No no… I’m sure he didn’t try and pick up the Pope.
Right??
On Monday, stop distracting me! On Monday, the Department of Education restarted an involuntary student loan repayment program, which was paused during Covid, and the Biden continued the pause during his entire presidency.
Beginning May 5th, and with a 30-day warning, an estimated 5.3 million borrowers in default on their federal loans may see their wages garnished. Other things that may happen are that their tax refunds may be garnished.
Not amazing. Not amazing. I voted for the one that was going to cancel student debt. I actual voted for the dude who was going to do that back in 2020. That didn’t happen. That was a bummer.
Anyway, that’s the deal with student loans.
Boy, Bye
-via CNN
Here’s something that’ll make you feel a little better maybe… after Tesla’s quarterly stocks plunged, Elon Musk, Trump’s most special government employee told stock holders that he will be spending more time with Tesla and less time in DC.
Yes. Sure. That’s why.
Not because you’re doing a terrible job. Because DOGE is a joke. Because you went all in on the Wisconsin Supreme Court race and that candidate lost.
But because you are so dedicated to business.
Okie doke guy.
Anyway, see ya later dude.
Sarah Palin Loses Defamation Case
-via NBC News
And speaking of irrelevance… Sarah Palin lost her defamation case!
This isn’t really an interesting story, I just liked the segue.
Sarah Palin sued the New York Times for a 2017 editorial that, she claimed, damaged her reputation. Turns out… well, she’d kind of ruined her reputation all on her own. All by herself.
She lost that original case, but there’s not one ounce of quit in her! Except of course when she quit her job as governor.
She then went to an appeals court. The jury there took two whole hours and came back with the same verdict. Babe – you did this to yourself.
Voice of America
-via NPR
And finally – a federal judge has ruled that the Trump administration cannot dismantle the government-funded broadcaster Voice of America.
That’s right – he can’t defund me.
In this joke, I am the voice of America.
And in many ways, I am.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
I’m proud of Canada. Oh Canada, will you ever forgive us?
But more than… well more than maple syrup, because you are also sweet – I’m proud of you.