04/24/25
Good morning! It’s Thursday, April 24th.
National Skipping Day
More like skipping this holiday, amiright?
And now, the news.
Trump v Ukraine
Starting in Ukraine! Well, in America but talking about Ukraine.
On Wednesday, JD Vance, who didn’t kill the Pope thank you very much, called on Ukraine to sign on to the American peace proposal, which includes the acceptance of Russia’s annexation of Crimea and just gives it to Russia.
This would be like if Canada just popped on down to Washington State, and Mexico was like, no it’s theirs now.
(To be honest, I could see a world where this happens and not only would Washington state, in this moment, be find with it, Oregon and us Californians would ask to join.)
Crimea is a part of Ukraine. Full stop. Russia’s occupation of the region is indicative only of their occupation, not of Russia’s ownership.
But what else would we expect from an administration whose leader has been in Putin’s pocket from the jump?
Following Vance’s comments, which included the threat that the United States would walk away from peace talks if Ukraine didn’t just give up part of their country to a ruthless dicatator, Trump took to his ironically titled Truth Social and said that Ukraine’s President Zelensky could “have peace or, he can fight for another three years.”
For his part, Zelensky says giving up Crimea is a nonstarter. “This violates our Constitution. This is our territory, the territory of the people of Ukraine.”
If you want to get really mad, Trump’s comments also include this gem: “If he wants Crimea, why didn’t they fight for it eleven years ago when it was handed over to Russia without a shot being fired?”
What are you talking about? Of course, he wants Crimea. It’s his.
That’s also a lie – The annexation of Crimea took place from February 23rd to March 19th, 2014, and six people died. Including two Ukrainians, one of whom was a naval officer.
Vance’s comments are similar to the ones Marco Rubio made last week, though Rubio’s were, if you can believe it – worse. Saying if the two sides don’t make a deal, “we’re just going to say, ‘You’re foolish, you’re fools, you’re horrible people, and we’re going to just take a pass.’”
What are we talking about? Russia invaded Ukraine! Do not let them rewrite history, which is what they’re trying to do here. Russia invaded Ukraine and if we have to repeat it now, so that history will remember if forever.
New Jersey Wildfire
-via ABC News
Turning to New Jersey, where a wildfire is, as of this recording, threatening more than 1,000 structures and has expanded to more than 12,500 acres in what is expected to turn out to be the largest wildfire in the state in twenty years.
As of Wednesday afternoon, the fire was 40% contained.
And I know what you’re thinking, and don’t worry… I have talked to Zazz and she’s okay.
States v Trump
As Trump continues to play yo-yo with the tariffs (has anyone tried just giving him a yo-yo? I think that might help, actually. Keep him busy for a couple minutes until he gets bored and gives up), a dozen states are now suing the administration to stop the tariff policy, claiming it has been subject to Trump’s “whims rather than the sound exercise of lawful authority.”
The suit notes that only Congress has the power to impose tariffs and is asking for the courts to declare the tariffs to be illegal and to block the government agencies and their officers from being able to enforce them.
No comment from the White House but, separate from that, Trump has acknowledged that the 145% tariff on all imports from China is “very high” (duh) and has suggested that it could come down substantially.
In the meantime, I don’t know… put your dollars in your mattress or something I guess.
Judge Grants DOJ a Reprieve
-via NPR
On Tuesday evening, a federal judge gave the Trump administration one more week to answer questions about how it came to pass that Kilmar Abrego Garcia, a man with legal permanent resident status here in America, who a judge ruled would never be sent back to El Salvador to protect his own life, was sent to a torture prison in El Salvador. And how, even though the administration knows his imprisonment is an error, has he not yet been returned?
One more week.
The order was severe, accusing the Department of Justice of attempting to obstruct discovery and willfully refusing to comply with an order, writing, "Defendants have failed to respond in good faith, and their refusal to do so can only be viewed as willful and intentional noncompliance.” Adding, “this ends now.”
One more week.
Meanwhile, Kilmar Abrego Garcia remains jailed in a country he was never meant to be in, because this country is too horrific to bring him home.
Antz!
-via AP News
Here’s something weird… two Belgian teenagers who were found with thousands of ants, thousands of em!!, valuing $9200, destined for the Europnean and Asian markets, are going to be sentenced in a Kenyan court in two weeks.
Couplya things.
Ants are worth that much? What kind of ants are they?
Thousands?
How did they even capture them? Or keep them?
And how did they get caught? The teens said they didn’t know this was illegal and honestly… I think that’s fair.
Anyway, that’s ants news.
You’re Beautiful, Babe
-via CBS News
And finally, because I can’t leave you with the ants story…
Defense Secretary extraordinaire, Pete Hegseth, has recently ordered a few changes to a room next to the Pentagon briefing room – retrofitting it for a makeup room. Thousands of dollars so he can look nice and pretty as he tries to explain that it’s totally cool that he told his brother all about the Yemen strikes and if you were a real patriot you’d understand.
But you don’t, because you’re just a DEI patriot loser.
What a moment for us all.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
I am not proud of Pete Hegseth. You know why? Because he’s lame. So much money, for what? What a waste. Go back to TV. That’s fine. Do what you’re passionate about!
I guess.. I’m proud of skipping? Like, the act of skipping?
You know what? Just… more than anything… I’m proud of you