07/28/25

Good morning! It’s Monday, July 28th

National Milk Chocolate Day

Here’s a fun fact – milk chocolate was invented by an Irishman named Sir Hans Sloane after he went to Jamaica and was offered powdered cocoa but thought it was too bitter (whatareya, too good for cocoa, my guy?) and so he added milk.

And now, the news.

Michigan Stabbing

-via BBC, 9and10News, and Twitter

Starting in Michigan, where a 42-year-old man is being charged with terrorism and assault with intent to murder after he stabbed 11 shoppers at a Walmart in Traverse City, Michigan.

The victims range in age from 21 to 84, and all are expected to survive. As of this recording, two victims remain in serious condition.

The attack is believed to be random, but the terrorism charges stem from the fact that he literally brought terror to the community.

A motive is yet to be found. In a statement, Michigan’s Secretary of State called this a “senseless act of violence” and thanked the, “law enforcement, the first responders, nurses, doctors, and all health care professionals working throughout the night to heal those impacted in this tragedy.”

Israel-Hamas

-via AP News

Moving to Gaza – as Gaza’s humanitarian crisis and surging hunger finally struck a worldwide cord, causing France to recognize Palestine as a state and more than 25 countries signing onto a joint statement calling for the government of  Israel to stop the war, the Israeli military began limited pauses, for ten-hours a day, in three populated areas of Gaza, to allow was Benjamin Netanyahu literally calls “minimal humanitarian supplies” into Gaza.

The UN World Food Program says it has enough food in, or on its way in, to feed all of Gaza for the next three months. However, it is key to note that it was not enough to counter the “current starvation.”

And, of course, the question still remains as to what will happen with the ceasefire talks, which appeared to hit a brick wall on Thursday. As I’m recording this on Sunday, it remains to be seen if that’s a wall or a speedbump.

US Reaches Trade Deal with EU

-via Axios

On Sunday, Trump announced that the United States has reached a trade deal with the EU to impose a 15% tariff rate on its goods.

15% innit?

In the deal, the EU agreed to buy more than $750 billion in US energy and invest an additional $600 billion on top of current commitments in the US.

Trump also says they’ll purchase military equipment and open its markets to US manufacturers.

Shockingly, no one said anything about the biggest trade point of all… unlimited Ted Lasso seasons and it’s all my decision. What? Crazy! Well, if it’s my call… I mean, off the top of my head, I guess I’d have to say – infinity seasons. But I’m open to negotiating for more.

Actually, you know what’s so funny to me is that Trump called it, "I think it's the biggest deal ever made.” And I don’t know if that’s true or not but you know who would? A White House staffer. Did no one want to Ask Jeeves?

Google is free!

This man has literally never done anything right!

Anyway, that’s all the details we have about this deal for the moment. I’m sure as more details come in, we’ll be like dang, that’s not an amazing deal for us because Trump is not a good negotiator.

The reason we know that is because American automakers are already getting screwed here - The 15% tariff on cars imported from the EU undercuts the 25% tariff US automakers pay if their cars are built in Mexico.

So the tariff on a Volvo is less than the tariff on a Buick. Not that he cares but I just thought you should know.

Good thing we got that Ted Lasso thing covered, though.

You. Are. Welcome.

Trump Wants to Prosecute Beyoncé

-via CNN

The weekend brought a blessedly quiet weekend, as far as the Epstein stuff goes (I guess now he’s like hey what if we just pardoned Ghislaine Maxwell? But that’s TBD so we’ll talk about it when it’s time to talk about it for real), but it’s still very clearly on Trump’s mind because…

 On Saturday Trump took to his ironically titled Truth Social and tweeted that Beyonce, Oprah, Reverand Al Sharpton, and Kamala Harris should all be prosecuted because the Democrats paid people to endorse Kamala.

“All of those that received Endorsement money, BROKE THE LAW. They should all be prosecuted! Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

Thank you for your attention to this matter. I love when he ends it like that because he… is a loser.

Kamala, Beyonce, Oprah, and Reverand Al Sharpton. Huh. What do they all have in common?

In the post, he specifically says that Beyonce was paid $11 million for the endorsement. First of all – have you ever heard of Beyonce? Do you think she needs your $11 million?

You giving Beyonce $11 million is like giving me a $10. I mean, sure I’ll take it because I’m not going to go out of my way or break any laws for it.

…actually that’s not true. I could really use that $10.

Beyonce, on the other hand – she’s doing just fine.

There is a federal campaign record of $165,000 paid to Beyonce’s production company, which was listed as a “campaign event production expense.” Campaigns are required by law to cover the costs connected to celebrity endorsement appearances.

He also said that, when Beyonce endorsed Harris, since she didn’t sing, the audience booed – I can tell you right now, because I watched it… the audience did not boo Beyonce.

That would be insane!

Anyway… that man’s not well.

Beyonce remains on tour, unprosecuted, and unaffected by the ramblings of a small man.

As she is, quite literally, Beyonce.

And that’s it, that’s the news.

I’m proud of Beyonce.

And milk chocolate. Because it used to be medicine.

But more than milk chocolate, because you’re like medicine for my soul… I’m proud of you.