08/06/25

Good morning! It’s Wednesday, August 6th.

National Root Beer Float Day

Oh man – how good are root beer floats? Where it crystalizes with the soda and ice cream? Elite. Elite!

And now, the news.

Update: Tennessee

-via CBS News

Starting in Tennessee, where 28 year old Austin Drummond, who has been accused of killing four people before leaving the baby of two of the victims in a car in a random driveway before fleeing and leading police on a weeklong manhunt… has been captured.

Lots of questions remain but we do know that Drummond was dating a close relative of the victims.

He has been accused of four counts of murder, as well as additional lesser counts.

The manhunt in Montana continues.

Los Angeles, the Angels We Are

-via NBC News, The New Republics, and The Daily Beast

Moving to Los Angeles, where we’ve literally never done anything wrong ever – Trump is establishing a Task Force for the Olympics.

What will it do?

Unknowable.

But it’s a task force!

Concerningly, he did pull out an old favorite of "We'll do anything necessary to keep the Olympics safe − including using our National Guard, or military. I will use the National Guard or military − this is going to be so safe − if we have to."

Dude. Dude!

Now listen, you hear that and you think – not amazing but of course we want out Olympics to be safe so of course. Of course you expect increased security.

And yes, duh, we want the Olympics to be safe! It’s the summer Olympics! It’s water polo time!

But pair that with this – in a memo leaked by Pete Hegseth’s brother, Phil Hegseth, (seriously boys, can you not keep a secret?? Good thing you’re not, you know, in a branch of the government where you’ll have access to a lot of government secrets…) anyway this memo outlines how the Trump administration wants to use the military in the streets for “years” to come, specifically as part of its mass deportation plan.

They want to do this even though the Los Angeles roll out wasn’t “perfect.”

Ummm… no. No it sure was not.

Nor was it necessary.

But boy oh boy am I stuck on… so you did want them there. So this was… planned. And not a response to made up riots that weren’t even really happening in the first place? Interesting interesting interesting.

So how will it do this? Because you can’t just put military in the streets of America. As evidenced by, you know, America.

But it sounds like they’re going to start classifying transnational gangs and cartels to having “Al Qaeda or ISIS cells and fighters operating feely inside America” leading many, myself include, to think they’re going to label undocumented immigrants an enemy of the state. He just tried that by saying that members of a gang from Venezuela are a “invading force” and then tried to invoke the Alien Enemies Act of 1798, which would have allowed him deport hundreds of Venezuelans, simply because they’re Venezuelans.

That’s the only reason so many Venezuelans remain in a literal torture prison in El Salvador.

So let’s be clear here – when he starts elevating language like that, it’s fair to be nervous. It’s not a reach to think he’s going to start carte blanch using this in a very dangerous way.

I think it’s MORE of a stretch, but not off the table, to remember that he also calls democrats enemies of the state. Protestors. Trans people. Gay people… just anyone he doesn’t like in the moment.

I think it opens the door to a lot of very bad possibilities.

Because I am charming and adorable and my voice is so cute, sometimes people think I’m joking when I’m not but hear me and know that every time I’ve said it I’ve meant it…

We are in the middle of a hostile government takeover.

Trump Invites Sex Offender to Kid’s Event

-via NY Magazine

Hey remember sit-ups?

I don’t know. No real way to transition here, ya know.

Last Thursday Donald Trump, the picture of health (said I, a person who broke her toe three years ago and it never healed properly and now every step is agony), decided he will reintroduce the Presidential Fitness Test. Remember that?

It was like – do a sit-up! And now we will put a ruler on your back to see if you have scoliosis.

Anyway, to reintroduce this initiative, he had The Chiefs’ Harrison Butker (he’s the guy who gave the commencement speech last year saying hey ladies, good job on graduating but what’s better than graduating? Ignoring your diploma and being barefoot in the kitchen), and few other guys (because only men do sports! Even though they’re so concerned with women’s sports that they’re ruining the lives of trans Americans to protect it. Details details!).

Anyway, one of the men he invited was former New York Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor. If you’re not sure who he is, samesies. But if you live near him in Florida, you may already know his face and name… through Megan’s Law.

Because Lawrence Taylor – is a registered sex offender.

Of minors!

And he was invited to the White House for an event to announce something that has to do with SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN.

His charges are against a 16-year-old.

And here’s what Trump said about Taylor, “a friend of mine for a long time. Too long, right Lawrence? Lawrence Taylor, he's an incredible guy and just been my friend a long time. Knew him forever."

Oh my god.

Oh my god!

Also, irrelevant, but this is what Taylor said about what he was doing on the Presidential Whatever Whatever: "I'm just proud to be on this team. I don't know why, I don't know what we're supposed to be doing, but I'm here to serve and I'm here to serve you. So I'm going to do the best I can for as long as I can."

Insane.

Welp. That’s three people who have done sex crimes against minors that Trump’s been friends with for years.

Great.

I wonder if this will help him with the Epstein stuff.

Epstein Stuff

-via NPR

It will not! On Tuesday the House Oversight Committee subpoenaed the Department of Justice for "all documents and communications relating or referring to" Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell by August 19th.

The DOJ made no comments to the press but in a massive scoop, Here’s What’s Happening did obtain leaked audio of the moment Pam Bondi heard about the subpoena. I’ll play it now: “oh no! My files! My documents! My communications!”

Additionally, Texas’ James Comer issued subpoenas seeking testimony from several former government officials including Bill and Hillary Clinton, James Comey, Robert Mueller, Merrick Garland, and Bill Barr.

Listen – a crime’s a crime. This is one of the worst ones. You think we’re going to be upset that you’re bringing in the Clintons? It’s upsetting that they’re in the mix, but we are not upset that they’re going to be investigated.

If you did the crime, you should be found out. It’s a no-brainer. Things being without brains should be a concept the Trump administration understands well, but alas.

Maxwell says they shouldn’t be released because this negatively impacts her ability to have the Supreme Court hear her case. But in theory… that shouldn’t actually matter.

"Public curiosity is insufficient when Maxwell's legal and reputational interests are at stake. These factors weigh heavily in favor of preserving the secrecy of the grand jury materials." Wait, are you trying to say that the Supreme Court Justices lack ethics and will seek out these grand jury materials, when they should not view them ahead of deciding if they will take up Maxwell’s case?

Because if you’re only just now learning that. Oh buddy… do I have some news to break.

Anyway, we’re certainly not going to listen to what a person who did sex crimes against minors has to say (well, apparently the president does). Release the files. The countdown begins!

The Stars at Night

-via AP News, Texas Tribune, NBC News, CNN, and Politico

And the sun has riz, the sun has set, and here we are… in a Texas legislative map redrawing fight yet.

Tuesday brought exactly what you expect from Texas – bigger brawls in the fight.

The Republicans are all hat no cowboy. Governor Abbott has asked the Texas Supreme Court to remove Houston’s Rep. Gene Wu, the chair of the House Democratic Caucus, who led this effort.

And then later AG Ken Paxton, this is so funny to me, they’re so dumb… Ken Paxton had to do the same thing because state law only allows the AG, or a few other local folks, to seek a member’s removal because they abandoned ship.

He has given House members until Friday to return. Spoiler alert, they will not be back by Friday. Also, no one believes they can actually get their seats legally declared vacant. They’ll try but it’s gonna be tough to see how that’ll happen.

Trump has an idea on how to bring them back – mayhaps the FBI can get involved. He told reporters the FBI “may” have to get involved. Not sure how that would work since they haven’t actually done a crime.

Meanwhile, the Dems continue to stay out of the Lone Star State and are making friends everywhere they go!

They’re out there in New York and Illinois making speeches with their governors. New York’s Governor Hochul gave a powerful speech about how Dems are sick and tired of being pushed around. Pritzker’s bringing in the Illinois bringing in the Illi-funk.

It’s a good time.

Though it brings me no pleasure to announce that all of these fun and games have led them to say… they believe Gavin Newsom may be leading the charge. Because he’s been saying that if Republicans are going to redraw the maps then so are Democrats.

Fine. Whatever.

Look… all I’m saying is injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. Gerrymandering hurts democracy across the board.

I get it. I get it!

I understand the moment.

But to quote Shakira in the hit Disney movie Zootopia – try everything.

Try everything first.

They’re cheating so we’re cheating.

Okay, can I pitch a quick rewrite?

They’re trying to cheat, so we’re going to stop them. And if we can’t, then we will meet them at their level.

Gerrymandering hurts democracy across the board.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

The Moon.

-via Politico

And finally – Road Rules star turned Fox News host turned guy that I guess is in charge of planes now (I’m about to get on a plane, so I don’t even want to think about that) Sean Duffy (we’re not talking enough about how that’s absolutely the right name for this guy. Dude sucks but they knocked it out of the park when they named him).

Anyway, Sean Duffy is expected to announce this week that NASA has discussed building a nuclear reactor on the moon.

The moon!

They just had a budget cut.

On that note, one NASA official said - “While the budget did not prioritize nuclear propulsion, that wasn’t because nuclear propulsion is seen as a non-worthy technology.” Forgetting to add an ending note that just says we just didn’t think putting nukes on the moon was a good idea.

The moon!

Also, to quote Tupac - “they got money for wars but they can’t feed the poor.” Millions of people are about to lose their health insurance. MILLIONS.

Nuclear reactor on the moon??

A NASA official said, “It is about winning the second space race.”

Was this a race?? Does anyone else know?

And I want to be really clear here… this is a nuclear reactor. And Sean Duffy is not a smart man. Do we trust that he’s hiring people who double-check their math enough here?

Because we need the moons.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

What a great collection of stories that has definitely not made me Google how much longer until people can live on Mars. Not for me, for other people.

I’m proud of… very few people, frankly. But more than most, because most people are on notice after these stories… I’m proud of you.