03/26/26
Good morning! It’s Thursday, March 26th.
Opening Day for your San Diego Padres!
The grass is a little greener, the sun’s a little brighter, the clouds are a little less cloudy…all because today the impossible has happened and America’s Finest Team in America’s Finest City is back! This really is our year. I can feel it.
And now, the news.
Hegseth Boat Attacks
-via NBC News
Starting with something we haven’t covered in a while… a boat attack! On Wednesday the Trump campaign carried out a strike on a boat that they claim was smuggling drugs, killing four people on board.
Their evidence? Vibes.
Trust them, okay? They seemed like probably criminals.
This brings the number of people killed in these strikes to 163.
163 kills.
Zero pieces of evidence.
Besides vibes.
Obviously.
Hegseth’s Prayer
-via AP News
Those strikes were led by Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth who, on Wednesday, hosted his prayer service, as he does every month.
What did this man of god pray for this month?
“Let every round find its mark against the enemies of righteousness and our great nation.”
Also: “I pursued my enemies and overtook them, and did not turn back till they were consumed.”
The prayer he read came from the military chaplain who originally gave it to the troops who captured Maduro in Venezuela.
Let every round find its mark.
Didn’t wanna go with like – a prayer for peace?
Or even, you know, good food, good god, let’s eat?
Intense.
Notably, Americans United for Separation of Church and State filed a suit against the Pentagon on Monday, similar to the one they filed against the Department of Labor, to enforce a December request for the Pentagons internal communications about worship services, costs, guests, and any employee complaints.
In a statement, the president and CEO of Americans United said: The secretaries of the Departments of Defense and Labor, “are abusing the power of their government positions and taxpayer-funded resources to impose their preferred religion on federal workers. Even if these prayer services are presented as voluntary, there is pressure on federal employees to attend in order to appease their bosses.”
In response, Hegseth said – yeah, duh. All I do is try and appease my boss. Who do you think puts the makeup on his hand bruises? Just kidding, make ups for girls and I’m a boy!!
Actually, the day after this suit was filed, Hegseth announced that military chaplain would no longer wear their rank on their uniforms, but instead they would be identified by religious insignia.
Like a cross.
Or a yellow star?
DHS Funding Fight
-via Axios, AP News and CBS News
The government is still partially shut down.
The Dems delivered a counteroffer on Wednesday that the Republicans quickly pishposhed,
Today, the Republicans plan to take their own offer to the floor for a vote that is expected to fail. Neat!
Meanwhile, Elon Musk, he of the Nazi salute, offered to pay TSA workers during this shutdown. But, although the offer was taken seriously by the White House, it was ultimately rejected over concerns that it would face legal challenges.
According to the U.S. Office of Government Ethics, it’s illegal for an outside person to pay a government employee.
Okay, but what if I told you that outside person once invented a fake government department that wasn’t ever a department at all but really just a group, but it was called a department so that the acroynym for the group could be the same name as a meme coin?
Would that help at all?
Or would that sentence be the thing that brings the Founding Fathers back from the dead and makes them rethink this whole experiment thing?
The other reason they said no is because the White House says this whole thing is almost over, so I’m sure the people who haven’t been paid in months are cool with waiting.
Because hey, it’s not their fault. They tried to say yes to the guy who did the nazi salute. But, ya know, courts. It’s the Dems that are holding up the funding.
I’m not saying the Democrats are perfect here. And frankly, I never will.
I’m just saying, literally every statement out of the White House is a version of what White House spokesperson Abigail Jackson told CBS News: “The fastest way to ensure TSA employees — and all DHS employees — get paid is for Democrats to fund the Department of Homeland Security."
Okay, but it’s a negosh. It’s not like Democrats are looking around their couch cushions here. The donkeys and the elephants have to come together.
In the meantime, TSA told Congress on Wednesday that they may have to shut down operations at some airports if this continues.
I just need everyone to take a step back here and remember that TSA agents are facing bankruptcy over this shutdown, and what it really is, is a fight over whether ICE agents should be allowed to cover their faces and badges, be forced to wear body cams, and whether they can do raids around school, churches, or other protected areas.
Just… a little reality check for all of us.
Okay cool.
Another Day, Another Tish James Referral
-via CBS News
You know what they say about something something something won’t be fooled again…
After the last case was tossed out, a Trump official is trying to get another case off the ground against New York AG Letitia James. This time, it’s two federal referrals to federal prosecutors in Miami and Chicago and it’s for two cases of possible homeowner's insurance fraud.
So here’s what’s going on: in both cases, the Trump official is alleging that AG James falsified documents on her homeowner’s insurance application to get better terms.
Listen, famously I’m a non-lawyer. And I, also, famously am from America’s Finest City and now live in the City of Angels (who us? We’ve never done anything wrong, ever). So who am I to say?
But, this is the same Trump official who has tried, multiple times, to send AG James to time out for quite literally anything and never could get it past the judge so I’m gonna go ahead and say… this is probably just another no-so-great attempt and we’ll see what happens.
Meta Loses Again
-via The Guardian
After losing in New Mexico on Tuesday, Meta (and now their frenemy YouTube) has also lost in a Los Angeles court on Wednesday, with a jury ruling that the companies deliberately designed addictive products that hooked a young user and led to her being harmed.
The plaintiff in the case was awarded $6m, of which Meta will pay 70% and YouTube will pay 30%.
Two days in a row of history and, for the companies, devastating rulings.
I wonder if anything will change. (spoiler alert… it will not)
Trump Did More Classified Leaks
-via Washington Post
Hey, remember that time that Trump didn’t get relected for President and after he did insurrection and it didn’t work and he was like dang, I guess I really gotta move outta here and as he was packing he took a bunch of confidential papers and everyone was like wow that was really bad – both because he did it and also because he stored a lot of those papers in a truly hideous looking bathroom?
Turns out… after that, in 2022, when he was a private citizen, Trump showed some passengers of his private plane a classified map that he’d kept when he left office.
This map was so secret that, prior to these rando PJ-riders, only six high-ranking government officials had access to it.
This came from a 2023 memo Jack Smith wrote, which the Department of Justice shared with lawmakers since Smith is no longer allowed to continue this investigation. It was then obtained by the Washington Post.
The same memo notes that Trump kept other classified docs related to his personal business dealings.
Neat! Super cool.
I think… good picking of the president everyone. Politics aside, I like the guy stealing our nations secrets so he can make a buck.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
I’m proud of the San Diego Padres.
We got Tatis. We got Merrill. We got Darvish. And you know what we’ve got? We’ve got heart. We’re a hometown team. What we lack in wins, we make up for in hometown love.
But more than… NOPE. I’m not even gonna do a bit. It’s National Spinach Day.
And more than spinach, because I’ll never wilt when it comes to this one fact… I’m proud of you.