03/05/26
Good morning! It’s Thursday, March 5th
National Absinthe Day
This is… a bad idea. Do not celebrate this! Whatever you do, skip this one!!
And now, the news.
Iran
Starting in Iran, where Pete Hegseth says the leader of the Iranian unit that tried to assassinate Trump in 2024 was killed.
He specifically said he was “hunted down and killed,” and then said, "While that was not the focus of the effort by any stretch of the imagination, in fact, never raised by the president or anybody else, I ensured, and others ensured, that those who were responsible for that were eventually part of the target list.”
Hunting down 100% means something is the focus of someone!
Hegseth also said, "Iran tried to kill President Trump, and President Trump got the last laugh."
This is a personal vendetta. Is that all this war is?
Someone should really try and reel this thing in. Don’t worry… they don’t.
On Wednesday, Senate Republicans voted thumbs down for the war powers resolution, which would have demanded congressional approval before any further attacks.
It was a 53-47 vote but not along party lines. How, you ask? Kentucky’s Rand Paul joined with the democrats (he is never getting invited to another Trump picnic again, that’s for sure!) and Pennsylvania’s John Fetterman voted with the Republicans. Fetterman… do you want to double-check your voter registration card? Because you are making some wild choices lately. Stopping further attacks would be great right about now, as Israel has begun launching strikes against Tehran and the US sunk an Iranian warship. This is the first time a ship was sunk by a torpedo since World War II.
Wednesday marked the first time Karoline Leavitt briefed the press since the war started. In a true 2003 throwback, she said: "It's safe to say that thus far, Operation Epic Fury has been a resounding success.”
Part of the reason she believes that (well – does she? Does she believe anything she says?) is that the US was hours away from owning the Iranian airspace.
Except later Hegseth said it would happen within days and only because Iran can’t outlast the American military. By which I mean to say – there’s no actual plan here, he’s just saying… it’ll happen because he thinks so.
As for how long this war of choice will take, on Wednesday Hegseth said: “We could say four weeks, but it could be six, it could be eight, it could be three. Ultimately, we set the pace and the tempo.”
So then set a faster one!
Bondi to be Subpoenaed
-via CNN
Also on Wednesday the REPUBLICAN-led House Oversight Committee voted to serve AG Pam Bondi with a subpoena for her role in failing to release the Epstein files to the fullest extent that the law requires.
The Democrats were joined by five Republicans, including Nancy Macy who made the motion.
This news comes after Tuesday’s news that Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick would appear before Congress, at a date TBD, to answer questions about why he is named more than 250 times in the Epstein files, including a 2012 lunch.
Which is interested, considered he said he barely had anything to do with him after 2005.
He’s facing bipartisan calls to resign and…. Should.
Autopen Case Closed
-via NBC News
This really isn’t anything but the DOJ has decided not to continue on with their autopen case against Biden, which was never even presented to a grand jury. If you don’t remember this one is, that makes sense. It was a case basically saying that some executive orders of Biden’s were signed with an autopen and therefore illegitimate because Biden was in cognitive decline and didn’t know what was happening.
This was, obviously, a big focus for Trump.
Why was it dropped?
Honestly, and I’m not even kidding… probably because they realized that if they went forward with this case, someone might start looking a little closer at Trump. And that rash on his neck. And that bruise on his hand. And the words coming out of his mouth. And just… start wondering…
And can I tell you something?
That’s it. That’s the news.
Not a long episode.
A lot of the news right now is about the war but like… speculative and less informative and more “what can I say that’ll make you stay here long enough for me to make money off of you?”
And don’t get me wrong. Lemme make that money. But not at the cost of this. What do I want to make money off of? I don’t know… Kelly Clarkson knowledge, I guess.
Anyway, absinthe tastes like black licorice and even though my stepdad is outside of his mind and LOVES black licorice… I think it’s gross and I can’t endorse this day.
But because you’re not gross. And I’d endorse the heck out of you anytime… I’m proud of you!