03/09/26

Good morning! It’s Monday, March 9th

National Barbie Day.

A day that proves that you can do anything, all you need to do is have the right outfit.

And now, the news.

Iran

-via ABC News, NBC News, AP News, and NY Times

Starting of course… in Iran.

On Saturday, whilst donning a trucker cap, President Trump attended the dignified transfer of the six servicemembers killed in a drone strike in Kuwait last Sunday.

Before I go into it… one of these servicemembers was 20 years old. Had never even had a legal drink in this country. Killed for a war that a man who paid to make sure he never had to serve himself, picked.

Twenty years old.

It’s not--- out of those six, no one death is worse than the others. But reading that one of the servicemembers was twenty really got me.

And if this continues, we’re going to continue to see that over and over again.

So Trump went to the dignified transfer… wearing a tracker cap.

Colin Kapernick lost his whole career for thoughtfully taking a knee during the Star-Spangled Banner, but this guy wears a stupid-looking hat, and everyone’s like “yes, good dear leader. Let me buy one too.”

And by the way, it wasn’t just like… oh Ashton Kutcher gave me this hat once and I think he’d like to be here in spirit so I’m wearing it because he’s busy today.

No.

It was a campaign hat!

He is disgusting.

Also on Saturday, the UK confirmed it was preparing a aircraft carrier for possible deployment to the Middle East.

Hey that’s cool! The UK. We like them. They’re our friends. What could go wrong here? Trump, probably.

After it was confirmed that the carrier was prepared but no date of deployment had been set, Trump was asked about it. His response? "We don't need them. It's not the right time. It would have been nice to have had them two weeks ago."

Oh, are you sad that they didn’t join you two weeks ago when you surprised everyone and made a bad decision and they weren’t immediately on board? Did their thoughtfulness frustrate you?

Earlier he posted: "That’s OK, Prime Minister Starmer, we don’t need them any longer — But we will remember. We don’t need people that join Wars after we’ve already won!"

He capitalized wars – stop doing that! These shows are, shockingly (I know) scripted! It messes up my Word doc when you said “that join” instead of “who join” and capitalize words that don’t need it!

Also… we haven’t won! You haven’t even said what winning looks like yet, so besides the fact that you have to go to bed every night telling yourself you won the day and that’s how to get back at your dad, no one has won anything.

There are no winners here.

Only loss.

And losers like him.

BY THE BY… the day the war started, Trump asked the UK for access to UK airbases in Cyprus and an island in the Indian Ocean and the UK granted access the next day.

But pop off ya dum dum.

And by pop off I mean… off you pop. To another storyline or planet.

Sorry, I’m in a mood because of the dignified transfer thing. We’re talking about the worst day of six families’ lives, and he was there in a campaign hat.

Trump also told NBC News that the US was not responsible for the bombing of the girls’ school that left at least 168, the majority of whom are young girls, dead. This is in direct conflict with priminary findings.

You can also just listen to his chief ding dong, Pete Hegseth, and know it’s a lie because he lied when he said this: “The only side that targets civilians is Iran.”

Really? Have you seen your ICE officials? They’re killing their own citizens in the streets in broad daylight.

Trump has also now said the US will expand its targets in Iran, apologizing to neighboring countries but like – if you wanted to live maybe you would have thought about that before neighboring there, ya know?

And here in the states, the state of New York specifically. Also the city of New York in the state…

At a “Stop the Islamic Takeover of New York City” event (uh oh! Not a great start – an event to stop something that’s not happening), a counterprotester threw a lit device containing nuts, bolts, and screws at the group after someone in the group used pepper spray on the counterprotest.

Everyone’s okay but still not a great vibe check!

Hey it’s Monday. Congress… mayhaps you’d like to try again at reigning your little buddy in?

Cuba Next?

-via CNN

And while we still don’t have things under control in Iran, and while he’s given up on Venezuela, Trump is focusing on Cuba next.

Sure.

On Friday, Trump told CNN that Cuba “is going to fall pretty soon.”

Actually the whole quote was: “Cuba is gonna fall pretty soon, by the way, unrelated, but Cuba is gonna fall too. They want to make a deal so badly.”

He was talking about what he perceives to be military success in this, his second term. That was the “unrelated” part of the quote.

Apparently that’s the administration’s next agenda item, after this Iran mess.

Hey man, just so you know, and trust me, I’m not like “hey focus on us” because when you do you make a real mess of it but… the country you’re the president of can also be—never mind. Actually, just don’t have an agenda.

Peru Bombing

-via CBS News

In Peru, at least 33 people, including minors, have been injured after a pre-dawn explosion at the Dali nightclub in the province of Trujillo along the country’s northern coast.

A motive and suspect were not immediately made clear.

Last month an explosion in the same city damaged 25 homes but, by miracle, no one was killed or injured.

This area has been hit hard by violence and crime due, in large part, to illegal gold mining.

Michigan Tornado

-via NY Times

And in Michigan and Oklahoma, at least six people, including a 12-year-old boy, were killed after a tornado swept across the Mitten State and Oklahoma.

This includes the town near where some of my family in Michigan live.

They’re alright. But still… very scary!

Tornados are so scary!

Alabama Death Row

-via NBC News

And in Alabama, 75-year-old Charles “Sunny” Burton is set for execution on Thursday due to a legal doctrine known as felony murder.

Which would make you think Burton did murder.

Burton did not murder anyone. That’s not up for debate. He’s never even been charged with murder.

In 1991, he was one of six men involved in the robbery of an AutoZone. He admits he entered the store with a gun, stole cash from a safe in the back room, and then left to wait by a getaway car.

However, inside the store, while Burton was outside, one of the six men shot and killed a customer.

The man who shot and killed the customer? Originally sentenced to death, but it was reduced to life in prison.

But the man who didn’t murder is going to be murdered on Thursday.

What a country we’ve built.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I don’t know what to say.

Light tone for a terrible day of news.

But we got through it. Because not unlike Barbie, you can get through anything. And because of that… I’m proud of you