04/17/26

Good morning! It’s Friday, April 17th.

National Cheeseball Day

Hey, what did the finger say to the thumb?

I’m in glove with you. (That’s a joke a cheeseball would say)

And now, the news.

Ceasefire in Lebanon

-via NY Times and Washington Post

Starting in Lebanon where the clock has started on a ten-day ceasefire between Israeli forces and Hezbollah, the militant group in Lebanon. 

It was first announced by Trump on his Temu Twitter and both sides were like – uh…. News to us!

The final details were still being worked out, but I guess they did get worked out(ish) enough that it’s going through.

In a series of statements on Thursday, Hezbollah didn’t specifically say they would accept the truce, but just said their actions would depend “on how developments unfold.”

So – we’ll see. 

ICE Agent Charged

-via Politico

In what is believed to be the first criminal case brought against a federal immigration officer since Trump started this whole horrific mess of white supremacy, an ICE agent in Minneapolis is wanted on felony assault charges after he pulled a gun on people in car after he pulled them over. 

The agent was in an unmarked SUV. The occupants of the car called 911, saying they believed it was a “crazy person driving down the road aiming guns at people.”

Why did he pull them over? Well that remains up for debate. The couple in the car say that the officer was driving erratically and they pulled over to the shoulder to slow him down. The officer said the car swerved in front of him and cut him off. 

According to the report he wrote, that’s when he drew his gun and yelled “Police! Stop!”

But… you’re not the police. You’re immigration. There are certain law enforcement things they can do, but they do not have the authority to act as police for things like a traffic violation.

There is no active nationwide warrant for the officer’s arrest but also, no one seems to know where he is. 

And that’s the behavior of someone who believes what they did was within the rule of law.

ICE Court Interpreter Detained

-via The Guardian

In related news (sort of. This is still about ICE, just a different state now)… an immigration court interpreter in Texas was detained by ICE last month.

She has been in the US for 35 years. She fled Indian and arrived in the US in 1991. In 2000, an immigration judge granted her a “withholding of removal” to India. 

Now though, DHS says that in 2000 she “was issued a final order of removal from an immigration judge in 2000.”

But that’s a lie. Those are not the same thing. 

She’s here legally. She’s been locked up for 35 days. 

She is not the only one.

Lt. Gov. Murder Suicide

-via CNN

And continuing on with badness (sorry) – Virginia’s former Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax, who had two women come forward with allegations of rape during his time at Lt. Gov (one of the assaults took place in 2000 while he was in college and the other in 2004 at the DNC in Boston), shot and killed his wife and then himself. 

Their teenage children were in the house when he did it.

His son was the one who called 911.

The couple was in the middle of getting a divorce but still living together, but in separate bedrooms. In fact, a judge had ordered him to leave the house by April 30th.

Just 15 days later.

An absolute tragedy.

Meow Meow

-via NY Times

Listen, let’s call it what it is… a slow news day.

But I can’t leave you with THAT!

So here’s this weird story… on Sunday, two pilots were caught making cat noises at each other over the radio.

And then an air traffic controller yelled at them.

How’d they reply?

Cat and dog noises!

And now they’re being investigated! And what’s that investigation going to be? Imagine having to tell your boss, or like even the head of the FAA – “yes I did cat and dog noises. What did they sound like? Glad you asked…” and then they’re going to have to do the noises! Officially!

I hope it was worth it. (Honestly, this is an overreaction.)

Also, Pete Hegseth had his worship service at the Pentagon (which is being investigated because… separation of church and state and such) and he quoted the bible.

Except, he didn’t.

He quoted Pulp Fiction.

Except, he didn’t.

Here’s what happened. He said he was inspired by Ezekiel 25:17 for the prayer. It’s the part in the bible that condemns neighboring nations for their hostility toward Israel. Which I totally knew and didn’t look up. It says: "And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them."

But he didn’t say that. He said: 

 “And blessed is the one who is not offended by me.”

Those are… very different!

That second one is from Pulp Fiction.

But it isn’t! That’s not even the quote! In the movie, Samuel L Jackson says he memorized Ezekiel 25:17 and he sort of rewords that section but in it, he says: “Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children.”

These people can’t do anything right!!

After he said it, he said: “I’m not a theologian.” Ya think? Well neither is JD Vance. Although, according to him, neither is the Pope. I’ve lost the plot.

These people are the worst!!

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of cheese. And cheeseballs.

But more than balls made of cheese, because you’re my very favorite cheeseball… I’m proud of you.