04/27/26
Good morning! It’s Monday, April 27th.
Babe Ruth Day.
Baseball!
Here’s a genuinely fun fact about baseball that I just recently learned. So, as everyone knows, pitchers almost never bat. I’m mentioning this fact now because Babe Ruth was an exceptional batter, as everyone knows. (Unless you didn’t know he was a baseball player at all and instead thought he was a famous candy bar inventor.) But he was also an exceptional pitcher.
Now, however, pitchers rarely bat. Except Shohei Ohtani, who plays for the Dodgers (and if you’re really into baseball, no JOHN, I’m not about to talk about the Ohtani rule, this is just a side fun little fact… you nerd.) (Other listeners that have encyclopedia baseball brains? Zazz – who is perfect.)
Hey! Stop distracting me in the cold open. The point is this… 1973, the American League introduced the designated hitter, meaning someone could come in to hit for their special little pitcher because they were far too precious to swing a bat.
But in the National League, where the Padres play and I guess we’re just tougher, pitchers continued to bat.
And then when American League teams played in National League parks, the AL pitchers’ precious hands would have to touch a bat.
In 2020, during the covid baseball season, everyone was trying weird stuff anyway, like putting cardboard cutouts in the stands to make the players think things were normal I guess? So that season they gave the universal designated hitter rule a shot for both leagues, and in the 2022 season it was formally adopted. Meaning pitchers do not have to pitch if they don’t want to.
Because they’re our most special boiz.
And now, the news.
White House Correspondents Dinner
-via Washington Post, NPR, The Guardian, and AP News
We start how we start here in America – for a couple reasons!
On Saturday night, as journalists from all over, as well as the entire presidential line of succession, were in one spot, a 31-year-old man from California (and okay yes technically he’s from Los Angeles, but he’s from Torrance, which is so south that it’s basically Orange County) entered the building with a shotgun, handgun, and knives.
He ran past the security check-in point and exchanged gunfire with the Secret Service.
Everyone is okay. One officer was hit but is okay. It sounds like he was hit in the chest, and saved by his bullet-proof vest.
It’s been more than 24 hours since this happened and there’s just not that much information out there yet, including what happened in the lobby. Like, literally how did this shooting go down? It’s all off-camera.
It’s all off-camera you say? Dot dot dot?
I’m gonna stop you right there. Remember, we don’t do conspiracy theory here. And I don’t think we need to. I think this truly is just a case of a man angry at this administration, combined with a truly inept FBI and security setup.
How do we know they’re inept? Well first of all – there were at least 4 or 5 shots fired in the lobby. Again, we don’t know the specifics of what happened in the lobby yet but its currently believed that one shot came from the shooter and the others came from security.
Three or four shots at someone trying to get to a room that had the entire line of succession and the dude is still alive? Not hit at all?
It also took all four or five shots before the Secret Service got to Trump to tell him to duck. If he wants to or whatever. Literally all the shots go off, and then finally Trump’s taken away.
Because there were so many high-ranking officials in one place, the secretary of homeland security would typically designate that a “National Special Security Event” and security would be coordinated through that.
Instead, many attendees, including the shooter, commented in the lax security at the event.
Following the event, people were in the room taking selfies, stealing the alcohol (to which I say… game recognize game.), and other ridiculousness.
Then we’ve got Kash Patel, the head of the FBI (still, for now), hiding under a chair while women around him are looking around trying to investigate what’s happening. And then, as the building was being cleared, he was just outside texting.
All while Trump, the most ridiculous of them all, said the show must go on! He wanted the event to continue! That man has never taken a single thing seriously in his entire life.
In a speech following the shooting, Trump took the opportunity to say that that’s why he should be able to build his ugly ballroom. Because no one’s ever been able to secure a public place before. Although to be fair, the ballroom’s so ugly, not even crime wants to go there.
On Sunday, acting AG Blanche said he didn’t see the event, and everything I’ve outlined, as a failure but rather, “a massive security success story.”
Why? This is real. This is really what he said: “I mean, if you think about what happened as far as what we know right now, this suspect barely breached the perimeter.”
He only barely did a little bit of shooting! He only almost caused a huge national security threat!
The most unserious administration ever.
USF Murders
-via ABC News
26-year-old Hisham Abugharbieh, a University of South Florida doctoral student has been charged with the murders of his roommate, Zamil Limon, and another student, Nahida Bristy. Bristy was friends with Limon.
His roommate’s body was found on a bridge on Friday, after both students were reported missing on April 16th.
The cause of death for the roommate is still being determined, and both the roommate and the missing student were last seen in different locations.
Investigators are still actively looking for Bristy.
Update: Iran
On Saturday, Trump called off Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner’s boyz trip to Pakistan, where they were meant to be working out a peace deal alongside Veep Vance.
Why?
Per Trump: “They can call me. We have all the cards. We’ve won everything.”
He also said: “We’re not going to be traveling 15, 16 hours to have a meeting with people that nobody ever heard of.”
They weren’t famous enough?? What’s wrong little guy, they don’t host enough podcasts?
“They weren’t meeting with the leader of the country. They were meeting with other people. And I said, ‘We’re just not going to do it.’ Too much traveling, takes too long, too expensive. I’m a very cost-conscious person.”
My guy, you bragged about being over-charged for sharpies, but sure yes, very cost-conscious.
(Side note, and totally unrelated, the ballroom from the last story, is $200 million overbudget.)
Anyway, so Witkoff and Kushner’s trip was cancelled. Fear not, it wasn’t even official anyway.
The Iranian prime minister said on Saturday that they have no intention of continuing the talks on their side, as long as US continues the blockade of ships traveling to and from Iran’s ports, saying they wouldn’t enter negotiations, “under pressure, threats and blockade.”
So, the ceasefire continues but the peace talks aren’t currently on the table. Not officially, at least.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
I’m proud of baseball.
America’s pastime Also the Padres. We’re a hometown team. What we lack in rings, we make up for in love.
And earlier in this episode, I mentioned the Dodgers but I just want to be clear… I’m not proud of the Dodgers. Shohei’s a little cutie though. A cute little smile.
But more than the Dodgers, no wait, sorry, that’s too easy… more than baseball, because you don’t stress me out and I still get to pay attention to you long after October… I’m proud of you.