04/29/26
Good morning! It’s Wednesday, April 29th.
International Day of Trees
Trees are arbors
And now, the news.
Update: Iran
Starting in Iran… I know everyone’s talking about the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, but that’s because they’re journalists and it happened in a room full of journalists. They’re going to be talking about this for a while. There will be no shortage of stories, trust me. But there’s really no new news. Trump’s using it as an excuse to build his ugly ballroom and the suspect has been charged with attempted assassination of the president.
Moving on and starting in Iran where, on Monday the big news was that Iran is open to opening the Strait of Hormuz as long as the United States lifts its blockade, with a promise to talk about Iran’s nuclear program later.
Marco Rubio says this isn’t an acceptable condition because what Iran means is that the Strait is only open if someone is coordinating with Iran. Saying: “They cannot normalize, nor can we tolerate them trying to normalize, a system in which the Iranians decide who gets to use an international waterway and how much you have to pay them to use it.”
Hey, remember when Trump’s pitch to Iran was that the United States gets a cut of the profits they make off the Strait.
That was Monday.
On Tuesday, Trump, all on his own, without any evidence, claimed that “Iran has just informed us that they are in a ‘State of Collapse.’”
I don’t know if Iran agrees, saying: "We have many cards we have not yet played. We possess new arenas of war, new tools, and new methods of fighting based on the experiences of the two previous wars.”
And then Israel was like “I don’t have enough attention right now” and announced that they will treat southern Lebanon “just like in Gaza.”
Now, what they meant was that they would destroy terrorist infrastructure.
But remember that, in addition to that, they are also doing genocide in Gaza. So that’s not… it doesn’t feel good. Ya know?
Meanwhile, here at home – do you like money? Would you like… less of it? The average price for a gallon of gas is $4.18 – the most it’s been since 2022.
Great job everyone who voted for Trump because of the economy!
Amid this, the United Arab Emirates, aka the UAE is leaving the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries, aka OPEC. OPEC keeps the major energy producing company from producing around the same amount of oil, so that no one’s screwing anyone, as far as being able to provide a ton of oil and forcing everyone to drop their prices, or providing zero oil and forcing everyone to mass produce oil to make up for the deficit.
This weakens OPEC greatly, since the UAE was the third-largest provider in the group. For the UAE, who has been increasingly vocal about not being super thrilled by being forced to participate in OPEC, this allows them to increase their production.
Minneapolis – Again
In, we’re talking about this again, news… Months after last winter’s Operation Metro Surge, which left two people murdered in the streets, and who knows how many more people dead in detention centers, federal agents returned to Minneapolis once more on Tuesday.
What were they after this time?
Childcare centers.
For real.
They were exercising search warrants for 20 different childcare centers after a YouTuber did a video being like “hey! All of these daycare centers are either closed or won’t let me, a stranger with a video camera, in… they must be doing fraud!”
Listen, if someone’s doing fraud, let’s make sure they stop doing it. But this particular set of circumstances is what led to the administration sending ICE into Minneapolis and arresting 3,700 immigrants, the majority of whom weren’t connected to any fraud whatsoever.
No arrests were made. It’s unclear whether they caught any criminals.
Comey Indicted
In more “we’re talking about this again” news…
Former FBI Director James Comey was indicted AGAIN.
If at first you don’t succeed, ya know.
He’s facing charges of threatening the president and transmitting the threat in interstate commerce – because he posted seashells in a pattern that said “86 47” on Instagram.
Which is embarrassing on all fronts. It’s embarrassing for him, he should have known better. But it’s embarrassing that the DOJ is like “yes, this is a threat against the president and we must charge.”
Well, no… let’s not be that serious. They don’t think it’s an actual threat. It’s because Trump loves doing political payback.
What’s up little buddy, did you think the seashells were going to run through the White House Correspondents Dinner?
Anyway, so he’s facing charges again.
His daughter, Maurene, was also in the news on Tuesday when a Manhattan judge ruled that she can sue the administration for unlawful termination after they fired her for… well they didn’t say but it was either being the daughter of James Comey or the fact that she handled cases against Epstein… or both. Could be both.
Why not both?
Trump v Kimmel
-via The Daily Beast and The Guardian
And yet again in more “we’re talking about this again” news…
Last Thursday, before the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Jimmy Kimmel did a bit where he was pretending like he was there and said, “Look at Melania, so beautiful. Mrs. Trump, you have a glow like an expectant widow.”
This is before the events on Saturday.
That clip went viral, and by Sunday, because of what happened on Saturday, everyone was like “this shooting is partly Jimmy Kimmel’s fault!!”
On Monday, Melania tweeted (sidenote, I like that not even Melania uses Temu Twitter) – she tweeted: “His monologue about my family isn’t comedy- his words are corrosive and deepens the political sickness within America,” adding that ABC needed to take a stand against his “atrocious behavior.”
Now – setting aside the fact that the literal goal of every word out of Trump’s mouth is to deepen the political sickness that we have here… Kimmel’s joke was just that. A joke. Karoline Leavitt literally said there would be shots fired in the room.
Would you like to take a look at that as well?
This is all a whole lot of nothing.
Except… except that Trump started a war in Iran that he doesn’t know how to end as a way to distract from the fact that he’s in the Epstein files.
And so now he needs a distraction from the distraction.
Well you’re never going to believe it. But by pure coincidence. Totally having nothing to do with anything that happened earlier in this story, just all on their own… the FCC announced on Tuesday that they are reviewing eight local broadcasting licenses that ABC uses, which were not scheduled for renewal until 2028. This appears to be connected to an investigation they launched last year, in connection with Disney’s DEI practices (Disney owns ABC).
So… this one scares me. I mean, they all scare me. You know what I mean.
Let’s just take it one day at a time.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
I’m proud of… trees. They’re super shady.
Also, before you ask. Yes, I did see the Ted Lasso trailer. Season 4 comes out August 4th which is not soon enough and I do have a lot of thoughts and feelings but I’m just letting it all play out and trusting the process.
But as always… you’re welcome because obviously without me, there is no season 4. And since I mentioned Ted Lasso, I have to say I’m proud of Hannah Waddingham. She just seems so great.
But more than trees! Because you’re ten feet tall in my eyes, but not shady (but can throw shade… and give me air)… I’m proud of you.