06/09/26
Good morning! It’s Tuesday, June 9th.
International Dark n Stormy Day
Why international? I’ll tell ya! Because British Navy members stationed in Bermuda in the 20s brewed ginger beer to help cure seasickness.
Some sailors, the smartest amongst em, added the locally made Black Seal Rum, and thus the Dark and Stormy was born.
(Recipe at the end)
And now, the news.
Earthquake News
Starting with earthquakes –
First, an update on Monday’s earthquake in the southern Philippines. When I recorded yesterday, the death count hadn’t come in yet. As of this recording, there are at least 35 people dead with at least 200 others injured.
That numbers includes at least 13 people killed in a landslide
And in Cuba, a 6.1 earthquake was felt just west of the island and felt across most of Florida.
No deaths or significant damage have been reported in Cuba so far.
When asked for a comment, Marco Rubio said: see? That’s why we need to take Cuba! This earthquake never would have happened if America took Cuba. (Also can someone please help me? I made a wish in a wishing well in 2020 and I wasn’t specific enough and now I’ve Freaky Friday’d myself. I’m not actual Marco Rubio like you think I am. I’m 12 year old Marco Rubio. The 55-year-old Marco Rubio is in math class. I need to find the wishing well and switch back, so that the other little Marco can learn his lesson and so that, in another dimension of time, I can never run for president and instead live out my actual dream… we wanted to be a puppeteer. And instead, I am but just a puppet.)
Update: Israel / Iran
And in the Middle East, despite saying that an attack on Beirut would bring back a full-scale war, Iran and Israel have both agreed to hold their fire for the moment.
However, this is a “who’s going to blink first” situation because Israel’s Benjamin Netanyahu said the fight against Iran and Hezbollah was "not finished" and Iran promised "more severe and crushing measures" if Israel returned to fighting.
Following that, on Monday night, Trump told a crowd in South Carolina that the United States would be able to “declare total victory” over Iran in two weeks.
Two more weeks! That’s all we gotta get through!
Apparently, Iranian negotiators are "willing to give us everything."
So everyone just relax. And apparently oil prices are going to drop immediately as soon as the ink on the deal is done. So… we’re all good. And definitely we believe him.
Judges Voids Trump’s Visa Requirements
On Monday a federal judge voided Trump’s $100,000 application fee for the H-1B visa, saying only Congress had the power to change federal immigration policy.
As a reminder, H-1B visas are the ones that allow foreign professionals to seek work in what are considered to be more specialized professions. Applicants must hold a bachelor’s degree or a similar equivalent. The visa is valid for three years and can be renewed for three more years.
The Trump administration tried to say the 100 gs was a lawful monetary penalty, and thus he was authorized to impose it, under federal immigration law.
But the judge noted that, regardless of what they want to call it, the price tag isn’t a penalty but a tax and, per the Supreme Court’s ruling re: Trump’s tariffs… ya boi can’t levy a tax.
In response, a spokesperson for the White House said: okay but what if I told you that some of the people coming to America weren’t white? 😬
No no. Well… no no but not totally not no either.
Because what they actually said was: "President Trump has clear legal authority to restrict entry of any class of aliens he determines is not in America’s best interests, and that is exactly what he did."
Hey, stop me if you’ve heard this before: the President of the United States is a white supremacist.
Listen – and every time I say that, please understand I’m not saying it to say it. Because that’s a serious accusation.
Look, our immigration policies do need work. But that work needs to start with remembering that we are a nation of immigrants. Well, this version of the nation we are is a nation of immigrants. We continue to invent ourselves over and over again, sometimes in good ways, sometimes in bad ways, but every time I look back in history, at every turn and change, the ways we have reinvented ourselves for the good have come from the fact that we are, still, a nation of immigrants.
And no, I’m not saying every single person should be able to come into this country. You know, there should be some vetting. For example, if you’ve done insurrection as the president of the United States and also found liable for sexual assault and also have been found guilty of so many crimes that you can’t even go into Canada… if you weren’t already a citizen, I think we should give that one a second thought.
But that’s not what Trump is saying.
He is saying: if you fulfill every other requirement for that H-1B visa, but can’t afford the $100,000 price tag, you aren’t in America’s best interest to be in this country. Not the kind of person he wants here. And he’s saying that because he doesn’t want people from lower-income countries.
So yeah, the President of the United States is a white supremacist.
And by the way, he’s not the only white supremacist in the administration.
Pete Hegseth went to the beaches of Normandy on D-Day and, in a speech meant to honor 82 years since the liberation of Nazi-occupied Europe, and in front of veterans who were there on the beaches 82 years ago… people who fought fascism. Who fought everything Donald Trump and, frankly, Pete Hegseth, are actively pushing us towards.
And there, on that beach, and in front of those actual heroes, this fraction of a human, said this: “Sadly, today, different European beaches are stormed by different dangerous ideologies. Beaches in Spain, in Italy, in Greece, and Bulgaria. Boats and men arrive. When will European capitals do something about that invasion?”
What an absolutely heinous moron. Both! Both… heart? No good. Beats, sure. But like, it’s all tinny and echoy and gross. And also… that dude dumb!
Trump Moves to Denaturalize Citizens
-via CBS News
Hey, remember that last story when I was like “the President of the United States is a white supremacist”?
Well check this out… on Monday, the Trump administration announced that it is looking to denaturalize 17 US citizens it’s accusing of immigration fraud, in what officials say is the largest-ever effort by the U.S. government to use its denaturalization powers
Between 1990 and 2017, an average of 11 complaints to denaturalize were filed each year.
Of the seventeen, five are accused of child sex crimes.
If found guilty, yes obviously that constitutes a reason for it.
But if we’re, you know… if we’re suddenly investigating child sex crimes again, let me tell you about this financier out of New York and his island, and his best friend, the president.
LA Mayoral
-via NBC News
And finally… as a local hero called in yesterday’s episode, Nithya Raman is now officially the candidate who will take on Karen Bass in the Los Angeles mayoral runoff.
Oh no! Poor little Spencer Pratt! I guess he only has his crystals and giant ego to console him now.
We love to see it.
And that’s it. That’s the news.
Trump went to the Knicks game on Monday night and was booed and then fell asleep.
Fell asleep at a Knicks game. At game three, in MSG… imagine how genuinely unwell that man has to be to be able to just fall asleep right there. I’m not saying that to say anything other than it is absolutely criminal that the administration continues to feed us those fake reports about how healthy he is.
Okay! Dark and Stormy! Something I will be making tonight, actually. You want a nice dark rum, but if you want to do it legit, you gotta go with Gosling's Black Seal Rum, since they have the official trademark. Either way, it’s 2 oz dark rum, 4 or 5 oz ginger beer, ½ oz lime juice, and garnish that little buddy with a lime slice or wheel.
If you want to make it a Kim Drink, it’s 3oz (I like what I like), a full little mini bottle of ginger beer (I like Fever Tree), and then squeeze a full lime in there. You can do a lime hat or not (that’s what I call the garnish. I call it a hat because… well because I’m so cute).
I’m proud of… I’m proud of anyone who invents a drink for whatever ails them and then thinks… okay but what if we put booze in it?
But more than that… because you’re perfect as is… I’m proud of you.