08/07/26

Title

Now Buddy Boi’s Got a New Problem

Good morning! It’s Friday, August 7th.

Professional Speakers Day

 I mean, technically this could be me. A whole day for a Kim? Sure!

And now, the news.

Update: Iran

-via CNN and The Guardian

Starting in Iran, where a report was leaked saying that the US military has used 80% of its THAAD missile inventory, which are used to intercept and destroy incoming ballistic missiles. Gulf allies worry that the low inventory means the US won’t be able to protect against any incoming strikes if Trump escalates the war (as he often does, depending on the mo-ment). 

The US Army has also used “virtually all” of its highly accurate long-range, surface-to-air weapons during the war with Iran. 

The low inventory has caused Trump to call off a weekend of strikes.

Trump is big mad, and says, “Defense companies are building the largest number of plants and factories in our country’s history.” If true, great. But also, if true – why no evidence?

Trump told Hegseth he thought the problem had been fixed, and in turn Hegseth blamed his deputy.

Instead of worrying about the issue of the weapons, because apparently there isn’t one, Trump is now looking for the leakers. On Thursday, he announced: “The ‘leakers’ of these treasonous statements are being hunted down. Long term jail sentences will be sought!”

So – that’s the thing he’s mad about right this second but you know – he may see a shiny object soon.

Birthright Citizenship Back

-via NY Times

After having it taken all the way up to the Supreme Court (and getting the no), Trump has signed two executive orders on Thursday to take it away again. 

As you may recall – executive orders are presidential fan fiction. It doesn’t go into effect automatically. And the Court already said no to this. 

So it’s hard to understand how this is going to work, because the ruling was clear. Chief Justice Roberts literally wrote: “Citizenship, then and now, was the right to have rights—to freely participate in our political community. The Framers of the Fourteenth Amendment extended that promise to ‘every free-born person in this land. We keep that promise today.”

Kavanaugh ruled for the majority but said he didn’t agree that the thing that’s literally in the Constitution is in the Constitution. 

He should… consider reading the Constitush. It’s not bad. I’ve got a few copies for him, if he wants to borrow one.

New Day, New Grift

-via AP News

The Trump administration has awarded a $150 million contract to a company that will give legal representation to migrant children traveling alone. The only hiccup is that the firm that was awarded the contract, it’s a small firm out of Texas, has little experience in immigration law but legal ties to Trump. 

The firm’s founder was the EPA’s lawyer in Trump’s first term. Another led Trump’s attempts to require federal buildings to adhere to classical and traditional architectural styles.

There was no competitive bid for the contract.

Let’s go back to that whole “little experience in immigration law” part - out of the 25 lawyers listed on their website, only 2 of them have experience in immigration law.

The government is required to provide legal representation to migrant children in the United States because they are literally under the government’s care. And so, until last Friday, when the contract was up, those minors were represented by a network of almost 100 legal aid providers.

2 out of 25. 

And in June, those organizations had agents from ICE and HHS at their offices in what they say was a move to intimidate them. So in many ways, this isn’t that much of a surprise.

It was, however, confusing. 

On Wednesday, during a virtual hearing for unaccompanied detained immigrant children, an attorney who did not represent any of the children just suddenly popped up on the screen. Boop! Here’s a new attorney! (The judge didn’t let the attorney stay.)

And it happened everywhere. All over the country, attorneys said their hearings were interrupted by lawyers claiming the Trump administration asked them to take over the children’s cases, without having been given a heads-up.

And again – these are kids that need help. 

Confusion is the last thing they need.

Fauci in Contempt

-via AP News

On Thursday the Senate voted along party lines to hold Dr. Fauci in contempt after he invoked the 5th amendment more than 100 times last week as he was questioned about the way he handled Covid (WHICH HE INVENTED BY THE WAY).

…he didn’t invent Covid. 

Sen. Rand Paul, who’s leading the charge in this whole prosecute Fauci thing, says he intends to send a referral for prosecution directly to the Department of Justice in hopes of throwing Fauci right in jail. Normally, you’d have to send this referral to the Senate and take a vote on whether he should be sent to the DOJ for prosecution.

Now that Sen. Rand Paul is thinking he wants to go directly to the DOJ with this, skirting around the Senate, Senate Dems are wondering how legal that actually is. 

It’s also a little tricky because Biden gave Fauci a pardon before he left office – so what’s the point of any of this anyway? But when you get a pardon, you have to comply with all lawful subpoenas, including congressional ones and there is a legal theory that you can’t plead the 5th anymore when you’re being questioned, since you can’t get in trouble for that crime anymore anyway.

Fauci invoked his 5th Amendment rights, though, because he was (I think probably, fairly) worried that no matter what he said, Paul would find literally anything to put him in jail because he’s said that’s his goal. Literally Rand Paul has said Fauci should be behind bars.

He also doesn’t think the pardon stands because Biden signed it with an autopen. So… 

We’ll see what happens next, I guess.

Pillow Mike in Trouble

-via CBS News

You know what I forgot (and am fine with)? Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy, is running for governor in Minnesota. 

Last month there was an issue where he wasn’t actually registered to vote in the state (he’s registered in Texas). 

So he had that one issue. 

But now buddy boi’s got a new problem – at a 4th of July event, he threw pillows out to people at a parade and that, my friends, is a classic campaign law violation because you can’t buy someone’s vote with gifts that cost more than $5.

The pillows can be bought online for $34.95, but he says they were bought wholesale for a convenient $4.90.

His primary is on Tuesday.

This is hilarious.

Mitch McConnell… Still

-via Reuters

And finally, and I do mean finally because I’ve been so, so worried… 

Mitch McConnell is home safe and sound.

Poor little lamb, just won’t be able to make it back to the Senate before the summer recess. 

There is no video of him leaving the hospital or going into his house, and the statement is a written statement. No picture or video was attached.

At this point, I can’t believe any of it until there’s a video. 

We don’t do conspiracy theories here, but we’re also not going to just blindly accept when someone’s lying to us!

And that’s it. That’s the news.

I’m proud of professional speakers.

And amateur speakers. Hey guess what? You can still make it in the Olympics!

But more than professional speakers, because your words are the best words… I’m proud of you.