04/13/26

Good morning! It’s Monday, April 13th.

National Peach Cobbler Day

Omg. Cobbler of all kinds, but peach? What even is cobbler? I don’t know. Or care. It’s just good. I think it’s the dough part. I’m not looking it up.

And now, the news.

Chick-Fil-A Shooting

-via CBS News

We start how we start here in America, with one person dead and at least six others injured after a group of masked men entered a Chick-Fil-A in Union Township, New Jersey, on Saturday night.

The number of suspects has not been released to the public as I’m recording this. It’s an ongoing investigation, and not much more information than what I’ve said here has been released to the public.

Update Iran

-via Washington Post, NY Times, Al Jazeera, and NPR

But of course, the big news is – what’s the latest in Iran?

Here’s where things stand:

Over the weekend, JD Vance went to Pakistan to meet with Iran’s chief negotiator to try to work out a peace deal. Now, if you’re thinking, “oh great, JD Vance.” Yeah, not unlike the exact same thing every has said every single time he’d walked into every room he’s ever been in, I too was like, “oh great, JD Vance.”

But of all the people to send, Last Choice Vance was the one to send because he’s been vocally against this conflict from the jump. So it makes sense that he would be motivated to wrap it up.

But unfortunately, after nearly 21 hours, the talks ended without a deal. The sticking points being, of course, Iran’s nuclear program and the full reopening of the Strait of Hormuz.

Now, last week, a ceasefire was reached between the US, Iran, and sort of Israel, who was like “yeah, I’ll do a ceasefire, but I’m still gonna need to attack Lebanon because of Hezbollah.” And Iran was like, “No, don’t cause if you do that, then we have to attack you, and then it’s like, what was the point of the ceasefire in the first place?” And Israel was like, “Wait, I’m sorry, you said ceasefire? No, no… we don’t do those.”

(As always, my impressions are impeccable.)

Anyway, so we do have this very fragile, I’m talking soggy piece of paper trying to hold a silver dollar, fragile (that’s a saying, look it up) ceasefire. 

So right now, we, are least on our side, need to be very cautious in this moment.

I sure hope no one—

“Effective immediately, the United States Navy, the Finest in the World, will begin the process of BLOCKADING any and all Ships trying to enter, or leave, the Strait of Hormuz. At some point, we will reach an “ALL BEING ALLOWED TO GO IN, ALL BEING ALLOWED TO GO OUT” basis, but Iran has not allowed that to happen by merely saying, “There may be a mine out there somewhere,” that nobody knows about but them. THIS IS WORLD EXTORTION, and Leaders of Countries, especially the United States of America, will never be extorted. I have also instructed our Navy to seek and interdict every vessel in International Waters that has paid a toll to Iran. No one who pays an illegal toll will have safe passage on the high seas. We will also begin destroying the mines the Iranians laid in the Straits. Any Iranian who fires at us, or at peaceful vessels, will be BLOWN TO HELL!”

Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool

That’s a clip of Trump’s long rambling Truth Social post on Sunday. 

He ended it by saying, “Additionally and, at an appropriate moment, we are fully ‘LOCKED AND LOADED,’ and our Military will finish up the little that is left of Iran!”

That is the second time (second? Third?), it’s another time he’d threatened to do genocide and completely wipe out everyone in Iran.

Last week, he gave a countdown and said, “A whole civilization will die tonight.”

And that was fine with people! I mean, don’t get me wrong, a lot of people were disgusted. Rightfully so. But Congressional Republicans could have used that moment to say: enough is enough. We’re done. He has threatened to end an entire civilization. Let’s take the vote. He’s done. JD Vance, you’re up little buddy.

But for them, for people like Speaker Johnson, who will pretend like he is a man of God, like, he’s so incredibly religious, like his faith is so much better than your faith, for people who are working to pass bills to take away bodily autonomy from people they’ve never met because they think their faith gives them the right to do so, that was fine.

Can’t be that surprising. They’ve already said it’s okay for him to be in the Epstein files. Why not be okay with him doing genocide?

There is no line he can cross in their eyes.

 But let’s go back to this “blockading” he’s going to do. 

How’s he gonna do it? Didn’t say.

Though it’s not like he had a lot of time to think of it… He was at a UFC fight on Saturday night.

A UFC fight.

After the peace talks had failed. 

Were the tickets nontransferable?

Though to be fair, on Friday he said to reporters: "Whether we make a deal or not makes no difference to me. The reason is because we've won." Have we? We’re paying a billion dollars a gallon for gas and having to look at your dumb Temu Twitter every 30 seconds to see if you’re putting us into WWIII or if someone was able to show you a shiny object for long enough to distract you? 

So. Much. Winning.

It’s exhausting, the winning.

Anyway, so that’s where things stand right now. In summary – not good but not, like, different yet.

Eric Swalwell

-via NBC News

After weeks of rumors, on Friday, the news broke that Eric Swalwell, California House Rep and a leading contender for the democratic candidate for governor, has been accused of multiple counts of sexual misconduct, including sexual assault.

Now, I will note that Swalwell has said, in response, "these allegations of sexual assault are flat false. They did not happen, they have never happened. And I will fight them with everything I have.”

But I will also say that this podcast has a firm stance of believing women because, statistically, only between 2-10% of assaults that get reported are false. But somehow people act like those 2-10% are 100%, which is why only 1 in 3 assaults are reported. 

So back to Swalwell. It’s four women who have come out right now. I believe there will be more. 

He hasn’t stepped down yet but calls for him to step out of the race are overwhelming. Remember, California has a jungle primary. Which means the top two vote getters, regardless of party, proceed to the general election. So the Democrats need to get their house in order or we’re going to end up with two Republicans in the general. 

So there’s that, but additionally, there are lawmakers on both sides of the aisle, have talked about expelling him, as well as Republican Tony Gonzalez from Texas, who had an affair with his aide who later died by suicide. 

And to that I say… yep. Have at it. Investigate and then do it. Because these men do not get to continue to commit these crimes and then make decisions, make laws, about our lives.

They just don’t. 

So that’s where things currently stand there. Swalwell has been accused of four women so far, but hasn’t dropped out of the race.

Artemis II

-via NASA

And finally – after ten days in space, checking to make sure the moon’s still there, the crew of Artemis II has landed safely back here on earth. Splashed right down in America’s finest city. Imagine that. Saw the whole earth and when they came back, they went to San Diego.

Proving that astronauts are super smart.

Anyway, they’re back and it was magical and amazing and everyone’s really proud of them and… I also wonder, after all those stories, if they considered staying up there a little longer. I sure would have.

And that’s it. That’s the news.

We’re back baybee.

I looked it up – the cobbler is the dough. That’s the part that makes it good! They do the dollop. 

But more than cobbler, because you’re sweet as pie and I bet you could fix a show if needed. Because you’re multi-talented.. I’m proud of you.