09/15/26
Title
Ding! (Wink Emoji)
Good morning! It’s Tuesday, September 15th.
Butterscotch Cinnamon Pie Day
And when I tell you… the image they used truly just looks like someone vommed… butterscotch? Yum! Cinnamon? Yum! Pie? YUM! Thanks to this photo? I want nothing to do with it.
Anyway, eat it if you want (you sicko)
And now, the news.
EPA Eliminates Breathing
-via AP News
Starting with… that’s some real nice air you got there, sure would be a shame if something happened to it…
On Monday, the EPA (the P standing for Protection) said that it would repeal a Biden-era power plant rule that limits planet-warming greenhouse gas emissions from power plants fueled by coal and natural gas.
It supposed to save the industry $300 billion (good, yes, save them money for they are, in fact, a nonprofit and I definitely didn’t see my power bill double in price just last month) and “unleash” American energy.
Again, good, yes… I’m not currently sweating my cute little face off in a town literally called Oceanside, as in beside the ocean, where it’s hotter than I’ve ever experienced but hey at least it’s not LA.
According to EPA Assistant Administrator Aaron Szabo, the change will let utilities make the decisions for their ratepayers, versus having to close aging or inefficient plants. Yes, good. Don’t force anyone to close things that aren’t working.
We’ll see this little pal in court.
AI is NG
Listen, I’m going to just mention this but genuinely don’t want to make a whole segment about it because there’s not really news about it. Just vibes.
But basically – everyone’s freaking out about AI now, including the people who made it. But they don’t feel like it’s THEIR fault, obviously. Just… how were they supposed to know that this technology that no one could have even imagined before and suddenly can do almost everything and make lives easier but also drink all the water in the world would be used for evil? What are they? The mind-reading that they’ve built?
I just want you to know that people are talking about. They’re thinking about it. Bill Gates wrote an op-ed saying he’s the first person in the world to be concerned about all of this. Trump says it’s all a “sick conspiracy” and we don’t need guardrails on the things that were the bad guy in iRobot, just a “high IQ president.”
Well if you see one around in this country, I’d be THRILLED, frankly.
Anyway, I’ll tell you when something actually happens but right now it’s just like… hey! AI is bad! And probably one day we’ll do something about it! Ding! (Wink emoji)
Russia Funds Trump’s Wedding
-via The Guardian
Hey dude, when’s the last time you PARTIED??? Like, Russian-style partied?
Well, if you’re Little Donny J J-R and his wedding guests, the answer is… at his wedding in May. Because apparently a Russian oligarch, close to Putin, paid hundreds of thousands of dollars towards his wedding fund, paying for things like a fireworks show and renting a whole island for the reception (and for guests to stay on).
Additionally, the funds weren’t from his creepy little pockets to the happy, and for sure probably in-love-forever couple, but instead came from an entity that the International Boxing Association (aka IBA) uses for financials. The oligarch is the head of the IBA.
How close is this guy to Putin? A month before the wedding, Putin gave him the Order of Friendship, which is a huge, high-level honor, and a few days before the wedding, he went to China with Putin. Additionally, his close relationship with Putin has signed him up for Ukranian sanctions (because of how Russia invaded Ukraine and they’re trying to steal their land).
Interesting. I’m sure none of that came up while they were having a multi-day, multi-island, party.
Oh, I’m sure the guest list was huge
50. 50 guests. And a Russian oligarch was one of the guests, as well as a co-funder of the event.
You know who wasn’t there? President Trump.
I don’t really have any comment there, I just think it’s funny that Trump was like No thanks. I’m swamped.
Anyway, all of this is on the up and up, I’m sure.
Alligator Alcatraz
A new 34-page report has come out about the state of the so-called Alligator Alcatraz, where its nearly 80 inmates were put through horrific conditions.
This includes news that for minutes, or up to two hours, they were forced to stay in a metal enclosure that measured 4’ 3” x 4’ 3”, something that is unaligned with humane treatment standards.
Those enclosures were used as disciplinary tools.
The housing units were also cramped, allowing about 75 sq ft per detainee.
They didn’t have access to clean water and could only shower three times a week. And those showers? Bug-infested.
As a reminder, this is the place where, when someone asked Trump how to protect people from the alligators, he said – they’ll just teach them to run zigzag.
The facility is currently closed.
But the ICE raids continue. Last month, there were an average of 1,200 arrests per day. 1,200 deportations? Noppers! Because the majority of those arrests were of folks who had pending legal or asylum claims. They were arrested, simply, for not being white.
Mississippi Mans Pleads Not Guilty
Jarques Ratliff, a 51-year-old man in Mississippi, has pleaded not guilty in the murder of 29-year-old Tasia Fortune. Fortune, who is Black, was found hanging from a tree on August 3rd.
Ratliff is also Black. Police have not released a motive or said whether they think race played a role.
Fortune is one of at least ten, although there is no official count, Black people that have been found hanging in trees this year. Fortune is a rare case – in the majority of those deaths, police ruled them as death by suicide without investigating the possibility that they were murdered when that is, statistically speaking, nearly certainly the case.
So when we’re talking about Fortune, and we should be, let us also remember the other folks whose deaths were never properly investigated. That includes 21-year-old Trey Reed, 38-year-old Demetrius Fleming, 16-year-old Juliana Nzita, 21-year-old Justice Kai James, 21-year-old Kyle Bassinga, 27-year-old To’Nea Nicole Miller, 28-year-old Jay Jackson, and 39-year-old Tory Medley.
Kennedy Center
-via NY Times
Moving to something a little more lighthearted – after being told he can’t have his little name on the Kennedy Center, the Center’s board, filled with Trump’s pick, have now released some shocking info… the Center doesn’t have any money!
They broke!
They don’t have a solution though, so don’t you worry your pretty little head…
Trump can do some fundraising!
But like any good mobster, it’s gonna cost ya.
“The board understands that without such appropriate recognition it is unlikely that President Trump will provide the fundamental oversight of the renovation of the main building and lead the fiscal rescue of the center.”
Just put his name back, and the money will pop right up! So the board released a list of ten ways to get his name on the Center, including: “renovated, restored, and sustained through the generosity of President Donald J. Trump” and, “renovation, oversight, and support provided by President Donald J. Trump.”
How about “President Donald J. Trump did nothing, was creepy, threatened to close it, but hopefully his name on this building will make his dad love him?”
No bad ideas in a brainstorm.
Apparently Trump attracts money. That’s what one board member said. “Trump attracts money.”
Would love to see it! Every time he’s like “and so and so will pay for it,” either it doesn’t happen and we pay for it, or the money goes right in his pocket.
All of this because he needs his name on a building THAT badly!
Mortifying. Being him is mortifying.
McConnell is… um…
-via The Hill
And finally… do you believe in miracles??
Mitch McConnell, who hasn’t been seen since June, when first responders were called to the house and found a man unconscious and needing CPR, who released an almost-certainly AI generated picture of him looking better than he has in years, who couldn’t even be bothered to put out a short video or even do a phone call in three months, who literally wasn’t even see on accident at the hospital or his house (even after he was said to have been home) is… alive??
He’s… alive.
There’s video of him being wheeled from his DC townhouse and taken to the Capitol to go vote. He doesn’t say anything (I’m not saying he can’t, I’m saying he didn’t) but he certainly looked conscious. He was waving.
I don’t know what to say about this. It’s a medical miracle.
Oh he’s cheeky though. In the Capitol, he did speak to folks, saying: “After two years, two decades, actually, of dodging your questions, I wasn’t sure how many of you would be here today. So I’m glad to see you. Time to get back to work, finish the job of this Congress.”
So you admit… you suck.
I don’t know… he’s a human being. He’s alive. Not sure what else there is to say about this.
I don’t appreciate the lying, that’s for sure!
And that’s it. That’s the news.
I’m proud of… doctors who perform, apparently, medical miracles.
Also people who make sure gross, but probably nice tasting, desserts.
But more than that… because you’re not gross, and the only thing medically mysterious about you is how perfect you are… I’m proud of you.